Diebold and the Beautiful in Cali

10.31.2006
Ore : 10:33 AM

Just some random, disjointed thoughts on my sample ballot for my district:

1. While it's heartening to see such a rich field of third-party candidates, there is simply too much at stake this election. I'll be voting a straight Democratic ticket -- sorry, Pete Camejo, sorry, Donna Warren. A sidenote: I just adore how the Republicans don't even bother hiding it anymore; their candidate for Insurance Commissioner is Steve Poizner (yeesh!), and their candidate for State Senator is "Dick" Mountjoy (double yeesh!). Eat your hearts out, Dick Armey and Rectal Brown!

2. Sorry, Wally Herger, you need to go down (though I would hope not on Mr. Mountjoy -- ba-da-bing!)

3. Yes on 1A through 1D. No-brainers.

4. I'm refusing to be bullied on 83. If they're chronic offenders, they shouldn't be on parole or probation, and there are already laws on the books that help law enforcement keep well enough track of possible recidivists. Parents need to take up some of the slack here. Besides, the possible benefits of such a program do not outweigh the costs, and implementing such a program creates a sort of blind spot for cops and voters -- considering how many victims are made victims not at the hands of strangers, but at the hands of parents and other family members, we can't afford to be lulled into the false sense of security offered us by 83. And no doubt some of this program's funding will be taken from CPS, where we need it more than we need another Big Brother program which would surely be ripe for abuse...

5. Yes on 84, but expect it to be killed by OC Repubs, Central Valley voters.

6. 85 is evil. No, no, no. We have enough attempts at self-administered abortions, and domestic abuse and murder by parents without regressive, misogynistic propositions like 85. If whoever keeps submitting this bullshit loves poorly veiled theocratic oppression so much, they need to be sent to Texas -- or better yet, to anywhere in Afghanistan not controlled by Karzai's government (read: virtually all of Afghanistan.)

7. 86: As a smoker even, I say, "Sure, why the hell not?"

8. Yes on 87, and fuck you Chevron.

9. 88: Sadly, we have no choice, seeing as how our public education system is going the way of our state infrastructure (have you even driven I-5 South to Vallejo? If so, you know what I'm talking about...)

10. Yes, yes, yes on 89. Republicans always have more corporate backing than Democrats, and this might help level the playing field.

11. No position on 90.

Let's sock it to 'em, mah bitchez!

posted by teh l4m3 at 10:33 AM | Permalink | 8 be jibber-jabberin'

The Bush Administration's Senile Id

10.27.2006
Ore : 2:15 PM

He woke up, weak and bleeding in a bathtub full of ice, only to find his Kerik had been forcibly removed...
Yeah, it makes sense that Rummy would be the spleen.


Just BACK OFF! This walker's scootin' along as fast as I can make it go. Gosh golly, back in my day a Secretary of Defense'd just as soon bend a sassy reporter over his knee and paddle away until President Harding would say "when." So what if I'm blocking your way to the boiled carrots? You can wait your turn! I'll have you know I'm having a dickens of a time keeping these ivories in my noggin and this is about the only thing I can eat. So just back off, ya whippersnapper! You kids, you don't know how good you got it: when I was your age, we didn't have those new-fangled radial rubber thingamabobbers -- we had to chisel our own wheels out of sandstone, and propel our cars with our horny, oversized feet! And now you just want, you want a guillotine to flow down, and that's not what this is about. Honorable people are looking on this daylight between them and where are my Depends? Darn it, this is complicated stuff.

posted by teh l4m3 at 2:15 PM | Permalink | 6 be jibber-jabberin'

Laura Ingraham Is A Turd

10.26.2006
Ore : 11:30 AM

Coulter beware!  Ashcroft's other concubine is comin' up on your 6!
"Thanks Matt... Whatsyer last name again? Couric?"

Oh, bwah-ha-ha, Laura, BWAH-FUCKING-HA-HA. Of course, I'd be bitter and childishly petty too if my favorite
Bush buttboy in the corporate media began to err on the side of the American people...

I dunno, Laura, what do you think? Maybe we should deliver the Today Show heartthrob into the tender ministrations of Jack Bauer -- after all, the American people just love 24, which is exactly the same as having
a national referendum on waterboarding, force-feeding, electrocution, stress positions, naked pyramids, anally inserting chemical lightsticks, and circumventing the U.S. Judiciary.

Dumbass.

(PS Yeah I'm sorta back...)

posted by teh l4m3 at 11:30 AM | Permalink | 12 be jibber-jabberin'

A Shard From The Tip of the Republican Iceberg

10.03.2006
Ore : 11:36 AM

Really, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised at all if Little Ricky Santorum really was boning a German Shepard. A male German Shepard.

posted by teh l4m3 at 11:36 AM | Permalink | 12 be jibber-jabberin'

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