Proof That If God Exists, He Hates Us #7,846

1.31.2007
Ore : 5:04 PM

Bye.
Good Golly, Miss Molly


(And yet Dick Cheney's on what, his third heart ripped from a Third World victim and his 7,000th pint of puppies' blood? This is a seriously fucked up world we live in.)

Never going out of style:

Yes, I know there's more, but this is too depressing...

posted by teh l4m3 at 5:04 PM | Permalink | 6 be jibber-jabberin'

Suspicious Packages


Ore : 12:49 PM


Looks like
TSFJTC continues in Boston. Watch out, AG!


We're caught in a trap
I can't walk out
Because I love you too much baby

Why can't you see
What you're doing to me
When you don't believe a word I say?

We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And we cant build our dreams
On suspicious minds


...Or
packages.

UPDATE: Shit. It gets even better...

Oh please don't cry wolf!
Al-Qaeda, youz mah only friend...

posted by teh l4m3 at 12:49 PM | Permalink | 1 be jibber-jabberin'

Protection Racket


Ore : 8:22 AM

Perpetual war means only sometimes not supplying your enemies...
Really? As of when?


Okay, this is one of the many little skeptohurdles over which pro-war types must pump their pudgy legs whenever trying to sell me on Vietnam or Panama or Grenada or Iraq or Iran: Obviously, the country in question can't be all that grave a threat if a) at various times, the tinpot dictator in question has been a CIA asset or b) our military-industrial complex has a history of arming that country.

"Oh no! The Shah is gone!," they cry, clutching the lapels of their fur-lined greatcoats and letting their monocles drop against their ascots, "Our favored puppet is gone, fallen to that dastardly Islamic revolution! Oh, for woe!" And then? They go ahead and
sell weapons to that Islamic revolution (for those wingnuts taking notes: a demonstrably treasonable action) in order to finance their proxy war against Sandinistas. Color me less than sympathetic, and less than impressed by their bona fides.

They come crawling to our curbs -- or at least, their gold-plated Phaetons do -- and insist that they need our hard-earned money to train and arm the Mujahideen. Those brave freedom fighters are going to defeat the evil Soviets in Afghanistan, after all! And no, of course there will be no blowback years later from this.

They tell us we must topple Saddam. He has weapons of mass destruction, and is a threat to the US and our allies.
Balsa-wood drones dropping gas on the East Coast! Mushroom clouds over Manhattan! We express skepticism, but the media, what with all the plutocrat cock jammed in their mouths, cannot even get the story straight, to the point where my own father, who opposed the Iraq war for many good reasons, was sure that whatever weapons Saddam had (if he had them) were sold to him by the French or some other European government. Too few people are aware that his Mirages may have come from one country, but his gasses and other toys came from quite another.

And now that they've whacked another hornets' nest, they want our help to whack yet another. They continue to float trial balloons to see how a third war in the region would be received by us. But only now do they get around to
cutting off supplies of parts that can be used only by the military there.

Honestly now.

posted by teh l4m3 at 8:22 AM | Permalink | 8 be jibber-jabberin'

the corner

1.30.2007
Ore : 9:36 AM


Light On The Horizon? [Kathryn Lopez]

Wow. Just switched to FOX and saw, on the ticker, albeit from the kitchen, "We have cure for AIDS."

Does anyone else see our Commander in Chief's fingerprints on this one? I know I do!


Rebirth of a Nation [Andy McCarthy]

Just saw Shelby Steele talking on CNN about free markets and deregulations. Very articulate, considering...

Done All The Research I Can... [Jonah Goldberg]
Sorry folks, another bleg: can anyone tell me the difference between an ungulant and a ruminant? I'm researching for a quick spot of Space: 1999 fanfic. Also, does anyone know if Barbara Olsen was still alive in this verse's 1999? Thanks. I have an important meeting from now until 5, but I'll start responding tomorrow morning...


RE: AIDS Cure [John Derbyshire]
INRE AIDS Cure: Great. Another several decades, as opposed to years, of Sully...


RE: AIDS Cure [Mark Steyn]
Also, stock up on and buy up stock in Crisco, penicillin. But at least I'm guaranteed a glut of work reviewing musical theatre.

Darn [Kathryn Lopez]
Must have been pork rind dust in my eye. Apparently a repeat read: "Insurgents launch grenades." Woops.

posted by teh l4m3 at 9:36 AM | Permalink | 11 be jibber-jabberin'

Blargh

1.29.2007
Ore : 8:09 AM

Just so you know, I've had a nasty cold for the past coupla days, and I've still got it. I was going to post some really funny Mark Steyn slash fic to post, but I'll hold off. I'm just going to putter around the tubes between bouts of blowing my nose...

Blah.

UPDATED to add *sniffle*hock* stop the muthafuckin' presses. Did I just see
Juan Cole interviewed on CNN? They're actually giving face time to people who have been absolutely right all along, ever since the inception of the Iraq debacle? First time I've ever seen that...

posted by teh l4m3 at 8:09 AM | Permalink | 7 be jibber-jabberin'

And How Are You Today?

1.27.2007
Ore : 1:51 PM

Next, to Rawstory!  On to DataLounge!!!
"He's having a stroke... OF GENIUS!!!"

posted by teh l4m3 at 1:51 PM | Permalink | 5 be jibber-jabberin'

At What Point Did Talebangelicals...

1.26.2007
Ore : 1:43 PM

...Become as halal as lox schmeer -- the best false friend Israel ever had? I've been wondering this for a long, long while, and so many questions present themselves. There was a time when one went to the town pool, where a sign informed one "No Negroes, No Dogs, No Jews" -- and that sign was not painted by Unitarians, if you know what I mean. And up through the 80s and early 90s, the New World Order That Would Steal Your Bibles and Guns and Make Your Daughter Get an Abortion at the Hands of Her Newly Showtunes- and Anal Sex-Loving Brother, as it was sold to us by Rightwingers, had a defining component that was distinctly hook-nosed.

But then that all changed. When? And how?

Was it a sudden, peremptory about-face, blast-faxed and push-polled from the simoniacal penthouses of Robertson, Falwell, et alia, down to the hovels of the lowest clay-eating, Lost Cause crackers? Or was it a sort of mission creep? (Tangentially, at what point did the Manhattan/Beltway punditocracy -- in its perfectly understandable contempt for Manhattan and Beltway panjandrums -- take it up as one of their causes célèbre?) And is there a conscious choice to knowingly abet the most hard-line, rightist elements of Israel's government in the hopes that that nation would self-destruct, a sort of "Hoooo-EEEY! We gon' arma-gedd-it-on yet! Git 'r dun! Love it 'r leave it! Never forget! It's a HEMI!!! Heh, heh, stupid kikes..." and so on and so forth? Or is there any sincerity at all there?

In short, has someone somewhere compiled a timeline of this transformation? Oh, and what gives, anyway?

posted by teh l4m3 at 1:43 PM | Permalink | 7 be jibber-jabberin'

Meta-ish Libby Post


Ore : 7:12 AM

CNN and FOX seem to be skirting around what to me is the most important aspect of the Wilson/Plame/Libby/Rove debacle, what with their main Guest Pez Dispensers being Republican operatives given free rein to frame the case as a Conservative-versus-Liberal partisan smackdown.

Too many seem to be missing a fundamental and disturbing point: not only did the Bush people simply lie about their reasons for this war, they lied about their very motivations. They played as though war was of course a last resort; they lied when they said nobody wants war -- they wanted it. And any later-proven-accurate assessments and predictions were brushed off, laughed away as unserious; anyone who opposed them suffered the nastiest sorts of character assassination; any evidence which undermined their case for war was quashed.

What kind of leaders are those for whom war -- a course these particular leaders really had no native ability to navigate anyway -- for whom war is desirable, and is the first and best option?

The crime of Patrick Wilson was one of naïveté, and possibly stupidity. He looked evil in its gnarled, crooked-mouthed face, and overestimated the decency that lay behind. Dick Cheney's crimes beggar description.

PS As for the newest tempest in a cable news teapot AKA "
Sharia! At The Cab Stand"? Give me a break. Muslim cab drivers refusing to transport passengers carrying liquor:Christian pharmacists refusing to dole out "Plan B"::Navel:Valencia.

(That's not to say it isn't a bunch of bullshit. Many many millions of Muslims around the world themselves drink, or feel about alcohol roughly the same as most Christians or Hindus or Buddhists or FSM worshippers. The few Muslims who are making a big stink about this are just as bad as their Cafeteria Christian counterparts.)

PPS I am exhausted, as my nightmares were riddled with the ghastly, cruel visage of Bindi Irwin. Why won't you die, you little demon??? WHY????

posted by teh l4m3 at 7:12 AM | Permalink | 6 be jibber-jabberin'

My Original Reason

1.25.2007
Ore : 10:00 AM

For founding this blahg was to oppose Alberto Gonzales's privilege to torture people. I not only want to reiterate that, but also (and yes, I'm aware Pelosi and company have taken impeachment of Bush off the table) to state flatly that Alberto Gonzales must be impeached. He is simply too dangerous, incompetent, and un-American to remain in the position of Attorney General. Get rid of him, now.

posted by teh l4m3 at 10:00 AM | Permalink | 15 be jibber-jabberin'

According to Dick


Ore : 7:46 AM

Everything in Iraq would have been fine were it not for naysayers in the media. Dick Cheney: the premier author of the new Dolchstosslegende.

PS Dick, if you're allied with and work your ass off for a political movement intent on ensuring gays and lesbians continue to be second-class citizens in their own country, you don't get to call Blitzer "
out of line" with his questions -- you do not get a pass, asshole.

posted by teh l4m3 at 7:46 AM | Permalink | 5 be jibber-jabberin'

Eleanor Roosevelt Was Right About the USMC

1.24.2007
Ore : 4:06 PM

An antidote to all the anti-mercenary stuff on Freedom Camp: I would blow every single active duty Marine in the core. Seriously, I would suck and suck and suck. I would run my wet, pillowy lips over every Marine glans I could find. Now I know that doesn't mean much coming from a gay guy -- of course I'd let just about any lance corporal stick his lance down this throat -- but cope with this: Are you a jarhead with jugs? Are you a JAG girl perchance in olive? Then fuck yes, I would tease and suckle your clit and stuff your cunt with a bunch of tongue, too. That's the way it goes.

Marines are beautiful, and every single Marine on God's green Earth deserves at least one solid, satisfying blow job.

And yes, if you're a Marine, you bet your taut buttocks I'd swallow.

posted by teh l4m3 at 4:06 PM | Permalink | 12 be jibber-jabberin'

He Ought To Know About a Sense of Entitlement

1.23.2007
Ore : 7:21 PM

My fragment:

Finally, to keep this economy strong we must take on the challenge of entitlements. Social Security and Medicare and Medicaid are commitments of conscience — and so it is our duty to keep them permanently sound.
First of all, we're all well aware that Republicans' view on "entitlements" (not social safety nets, not -- eek! -- welfare, but entitlements) is that their challenge is to eliminate them entirely without pissing off too many Americans, right? Good, now that that's out of the way: notice how he refers to these programs as "commitments of conscience"? The man's speechwriters are about as subtle as gakked out tranny hookers bawling and balling up and down Polk Street. Get it right, fellow Americans. These programs are not examples of our all of us, rich and poor, pulling together to level the playing field for everyone. These are crumbs brushed off of robber barons' tables -- offhanded noblesse oblige. And don't you dare criticize the way the ruling class (multimillionaires like Bush and Cheney among them) disseminate their crumbs, or else...

If you subscribe to any other definition, you may as well move to Cuba and join a co-op.

posted by teh l4m3 at 7:21 PM | Permalink | 4 be jibber-jabberin'

Hmm


Ore : 6:56 AM

I'm in the middle of it right now, and it seems that Petraeus could have them eating out of his hand, but he's being awfully long-winded in his statement, and is telling many of the senators much of what they already know. Oh well, he could still earn gushes from Hillary (McCain's already got his tongue out for a rimjob), we'll see.

Of course, it's too bad that whatever guns, bombs, and boots on the ground can accomplish, they've already accomplished -- it's too bad the surge will fail.

Oh, and can we hold to their word everybody who said "This is Bush's last chance?"

posted by teh l4m3 at 6:56 AM | Permalink | 5 be jibber-jabberin'

"First, they came for the John Birchers..."

1.22.2007
Ore : 9:54 AM

Sidenote: Can I just tell you how hard it is to find even one or two Chris Muir strips with dialogue that makes any sort of sense -- that has even an iota of internal logic? Not to mention the impossibility of finding one that doesn't feature generous expanses of exposed navel and tragic incidences of scoliosis. Anyway...

Miscegenation!!!  Where's Trent Lott when you need him?
Right. When the boxcars come, they won't come to cart away
Muslims and Mexicans, they'll come to cart away the global warming-denying, Aztlan-fighing Randroids.

But at least the Star of David-wearing conservatarians won't have to share their lice-infested concentration camp bunks with people wearing
pink triangles...

posted by teh l4m3 at 9:54 AM | Permalink | 9 be jibber-jabberin'

Something In The Blackwater

1.21.2007
Ore : 10:10 PM

Hate to be all Harpy McHarperson on the whole merc issue, but this Discovery Channel's "Iraq's Guns For Hire" is a tad misleading. I mean, not entirely: yes, some of the mercs are sweet, earnest, apple-cheeked Lincolnshire lads. But others are internationally wanted war criminals who have committed rapes and murders in other conflicts.

I resent this attempt to make me sympathize. Yes, it's horrible whenever a human being dies as a result of his own stupidity, the venality of others, or the immutable exigencies of a world that doesn't care -- or some admixture of all three. And yes, I'll shed a tear for the Marine from Oakland who falls to an IED, or the Army Specialist who gets a slug from a sniper in Mosul. I simply cannot, however, bring myself to give much of a shit for mercenaries.

I mean, I hope the paycheck is all that and a bag of chips, but really, a guy ought not to expect too much from others when he embarks on this path -- he, if he wishes to be a
soldier of fortune, ought to make peace with how seldom fortune smiles.

posted by teh l4m3 at 10:10 PM | Permalink | 3 be jibber-jabberin'

Riddle Me This, Jokers

1.19.2007
Ore : 12:14 PM


A challenge to all the rightist/conservative/libertarian/"moderate"/"non-partisan" law professors and experts out there: please make a case for why the Pentagon should be considered not just a component of the military, and as such, an extension of the Executive Branch's power, but an authority over the Judicial and Leglislative branches, as well. Cite support in the Constitution and from among legal precedents, and show your work.

(Image shamelessly appropriated from
Liberal Avenger, but they're not going to do anything about it because I flipped for the CIA and now Auguste's boxcar slot is already booked.)

posted by teh l4m3 at 12:14 PM | Permalink | 7 be jibber-jabberin'

Panic! I've No Crisco


Ore : 7:35 AM

This is my third favorite teevee show ever...



Update on my missing volunteer: Turns out it was Troubled Teenager Problem #362 -- she's back, no worries. Whew.

posted by teh l4m3 at 7:35 AM | Permalink | 2 be jibber-jabberin'

Sinking Feeling...

1.18.2007
Ore : 10:52 AM

Crap. I just got a call from the grandmother of a young woman (soon-to-be 16), a prospective volunteer who is going to help me do story times for the little kids. Apparently, my young volunteer - let's call her "Emma" -- didn't come home on Wednesday. The last I saw her was Tuesday. I hope she's all right. More as this develops.

Here are some vintage PlanetOut videos to raise your spirits. That place used to be so much fun before the Gay.com merger...





The queens who did these are comedic geniuses. I hope I see them again someday.

posted by teh l4m3 at 10:52 AM | Permalink | 3 be jibber-jabberin'

I Hate To Be The One To Say This


Ore : 8:18 AM

I really have to wonder about the parents of Ben Ownby and Shawn Hornbeck. It's well established that the press is not allowed, for example, to release the identities of juvenile defendants. And I'm quite sure that in the case of victims, CBS, CNN, FOX News, or whoever are not allowed to air the faces of juveniles without their parents' consent. Sure their names might have been released, but no ethical journalistic enterprise should be plastering the boys' mugs everywhere without signed releases from the parents. And if the parents signed these releases, I'm left with a question: what the hell is wrong with these people?

10 years from now, Hornbeck is going to be out with his friends at a club, or on a date in a restaurant, and some yahoo is going to come up to him and say, "Hey, weren't you that kid who got kidnapped by that Devlin guy? So was he fucking you, or were you just camping buddies?" Or worse, people will just alternate between trying to stare at him and trying not to meet his eyes. This shit is going to dog this kid his whole life.

So about the parents: Were they just not thinking ahead, or was the money from future appearances and potential book deals just too good? And if this is indicative of the kind of parents they are, maybe there's a reason the Hornbeck, in the four years he was with Devlin, didn't try to
escape...

EDITED TO ADD a mea culpa: of course the parents and law enforcement would have plastered their likenesses everywhere while they were missing, but now that they're home -- parading them around on Oprah? Huge .jpgs of their faces on millions of Web sites? I just hope the boys end up seeing their fair share of all this income...

posted by teh l4m3 at 8:18 AM | Permalink | 1 be jibber-jabberin'

Dogpile Or Not?

1.17.2007
Ore : 2:05 PM

A joke? The guys at S,N! have got me wondering...

OMGWTFBBQ???

posted by teh l4m3 at 2:05 PM | Permalink | 5 be jibber-jabberin'

Sounds Like Somebody's...


Ore : 9:20 AM

...a little unhappy with our forefathers. Sounds like somebody thinks the people who thought of co-equal branches of government were trying to undermine -- perhaps even weaken -- Uhmurrkah. Perhaps that somebody is so incensed he would like to dig up and reanimate Franklin, Jefferson, and Paine, and waterboard them, subject them to stress positions, and stick chemical lightsticks up their asses:

"...a judge will never be in the best position to know what is in the national security interests of our country.”

And judges who happen to suss out that you're using the excuse of "national security" to eradicate even more of our civil rights should just shut the fuck up, right Abu Gonzales?

posted by teh l4m3 at 9:20 AM | Permalink | 2 be jibber-jabberin'

When You've Lost the Corner...

1.16.2007
Ore : 7:59 AM

...Can Skid Row be far behind? Rich Lowry has been nothing but vaguely, tip-toeingly skeptical of the whole affair. Mario "Not So" Loyola is scratching his pointy head. And nobody wants to take credit for pointing to Krauthammer's blatant sedition (okay, his main excuse was really the Iraqi government, which is so, like, letting us down and stuff), but point to it they do.

Yes, Andy McCarthy may continue to clap and say "
I believe in fairies," but how long before the general malaise trickles down to Human Events or Blogs 4 Bush? Dolchstosslegende indeed.

posted by teh l4m3 at 7:59 AM | Permalink | 7 be jibber-jabberin'

Duck and Cover

1.15.2007
Ore : 9:52 AM

Things that make you go 'boom'!
I love the smell of petrochemicals in the morning...


Happy Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, everybody! While we reflect today on the great strides in civil rights our society has made -- strides for example that allow Forest Whitaker and not some goober slathered in shoe polish and white lipstick to play Idi Amin -- let us remember President Bush's exhortation this morning to the boys and girls of Cardoza High, to send postcards to the mostly poor and black survivors of Katrina in their rotting, rat-infested FEMA trailers. Were it not for our society's wholesale rejection of racism since the 1960s, those people might actually need more than postcards!

And it is fitting on this auspicious day to point out corporate America's singular generosity in continuing to site and maintain its industrial interests, including oil refineries, in America's impoverished minority communities.

It's nice to see that the
Richmond refinery story is receiving some non-hysterical coverage, but I fear the restraint of CNN and others may be due less to feelings of civic responsibility than to ignorance. The focus of all the segments I've seen seem to be that if you're in Point Richmond or San Pablo, don't go to school or work, refrain from grocery shopping or going to the emergency room when your labor contractions start -- just "shelter in place."

Yeah. Shelter in place. That ranks right up there with "hide under your school desk in case of a thermonuclear strike."

The Martinez and Richmond refineries, collectively, have been a looming menace for decades. Were that Chevron refinery, the one currently ablace, to truly go, it would take out a goodly chunk of the North Bay, as well. Contra Costa County would recall Dresden after WWII. (Goodbye,
Ray Ray!) Windows in San Francisco would shatter.

And I have to wonder: Why was the press conference fielded by a county official? Not to impugn the good man's competence or professionalism, but where the hell is the
EPA? No, I mean that EPA. Wait, no, wrong one -- this EPA. Oh, never mind.

Not that Chevron has ever been less than imperious and peremptory with any federal or state agency, regardless of whether Democrats or Republicans are in control of the government (that very Chevron plant once infamously sent Cal-OSHA packing at the gates): "We are Chevron. We are lord."

But right now we just happen to have Bush in office. And the corporation that owns the currently toasty refinery also happens to own a tanker once christened "
Condoleezza Rice" (another proud moment in black history, and proof that women and people of color and be just as nasty, venal, and grabby as old, patrician white men.) Do the math: if this refinery -- yes, they have this situation under control, this time -- if this refinery ever explodes while the current crew is still in the White House, you can safely expect the federal response to make their response peri-Katrina in New Orleans look like an efficient, well-oiled Red Cross triage operation.

posted by teh l4m3 at 9:52 AM | Permalink | 8 be jibber-jabberin'

"They could try to stop me..."

1.14.2007
Ore : 4:57 PM

And for that bit of imperiousness alone they should deny him the funds for this surge. As long as appropriations were made properly and legally, those appropriations should be in discrete amounts, so refusing to fund escalation would not imperil or undermine the troops already there.

Furthermore, the Congress needs to issue a statement reminding all Americans unequivocally that that body never in fact declared war, and they should rescind the earlier authorization allowing Bush to engage in hostilities where ever and when ever he wants.

Close the purse. Put the lid back on the cookie jar. Lock the liquor cabinet. The party is over.

PS
Gulf of Tonkin II: Atomic Boogaloo may be on its way. Don't fall for it! (HT to da S,N!)

posted by teh l4m3 at 4:57 PM | Permalink | 5 be jibber-jabberin'

To Reiterate and Expand


Ore : 10:43 AM

*squeak*squeak*
"I knew Gloria Steinem, and you, senator, are no Gloria Steinem."


Boxer was right. Albino Ratboy pictured above, is so very, very wrong -- as he usually is.

The senator made no bones about it. She freely admitted that of course she would not suffer any losses; her children are too old to serve, her grandchildren, too young. And she was right to seize on Rice, who was directly before her. The woman has no family members in harm's way. She's an extremely wealthy woman (size 14 Ferragamos don't come cheap) who is paying, thanks to recently passed tax breaks, even less for this war out of her ridiculous disposable income, proportionately, than your average Wal-Mart pants folder.

Tony Snow called the senator's question to Rice a "great leap backward for feminism." And Tony nailed it... Feminists like Barbara Boxer want it both ways. They want abortion rights, they want women to have access to the workplace, but if the woman takes that freedom, does not marry, does not have children, evidently Boxer thinks that woman is unqualified to use her education, experience and judgment in her career. Now, according to Boxer, that woman has to have children to have her career.
No, Snow hasn't nailed anything. He probably hasn't even nailed a woman since any initial, furtive, half-tumescent adolescent attempts at appearing heterosexual.

Ratboy is (I believe purposefully) missing Boxer's point, which is supremely feminist, independent as it is of race and procreative status. Yes, her attack was directed specifically at Rice -- a good thing for a Senator to do: when making an argument, point to dramatic, concrete examples. But her attack was aimed more broadly, as well, at all the men and women in office and among the Beltway chattering classes, of all races and ages, who supported this disastrous bloodbath in Iraq, and who support another escalation of hostilities.

Senator Boxer was not attacking Rice's choice to be childless and unmarried, or her "black cred," as Gibson discreditably accuses further on, but the fact that Rice, and others like her (those others would include Gibson), call on people to risk life and limb for their pet vision when they won't themselves risk anything. She wasn't attacking Rice's lifestyle, she was attacking her cowardice, and by extension, the cowardice of virtually everyone in power who supported this deadly venture.

Jenna Bush will not come home from Mosul with a broken spine and only one eye. Dick Cheney, James Inhofe, John Negroponte, Bill Kristol, Jonah Goldberg, stinky and sneering John Gibson himself: not one of these people will incur any losses on the sacrificial block that is Iraq.

Senator Boxer, keep up the good work. You're doing fine.

posted by teh l4m3 at 10:43 AM | Permalink | 2 be jibber-jabberin'

Post For a Humorless Liberal

1.13.2007
Ore : 5:08 PM

Man, those liberals and Greens and environmentalists and feminists and stuff sure can't take a joke. Dour, dour, dour! Oh well, at least this one's cute. You should read his blog, if only for that...

Get it?  Doctor???

(Dedicated to the hunky Dex who should totally get a subscription to God's Girls. PhotoShop stolen from SomethingAwful.)

posted by teh l4m3 at 5:08 PM | Permalink | 6 be jibber-jabberin'

Oops

1.12.2007
Ore : 11:10 PM

Stepping on my own toes here, but this cannot be ignored:

"Who pays the price [for the war]?" Boxer asked during the hearing. "I'm not going to pay a personal price. My kids are too old and my grandchild is too young."

...

"You're not going to pay a particular price, as I understand it, with an immediate family. So who pays the price? The American military and their families."
Well, okay, that can be ignored inasmuch as it is a point that while valid, can be and has been made of every Republican Iraq War Booster currently in office.

But what's really breathtaking in arrogance, presumption, ignorance, blatant sexism, plain old idiocy -- or all of the above -- is
Snowball's reply:

"Great leap backward for feminism..."
While I don't impugn the appreciation Our Dear Deciderer and his minions have for all sorts of great leaps, what would a bunch of reactionary, pack of dog-like, frat boy-loving, towel-snapping, rich, mostly white, fake good ole boys know about feminism? Just what the fuck is this statement supposed to mean? That Boxer (whatever her faults a true feminist) knows less than they do about being treated like a second-class minority despite her gender's comprising approximately half the population? Or is it more sinister and proprietary, an implied, "Now don't get too out of line, little missy, or I'll have to take off this here belt," thereby rescinding all those rights and privileges that were theirs to dole out anyway?

These guys are now arbiters of something? And if so, just what the hell is it? Could they tell us?

This has got to be, in context, the most obnoxious yet confusing phrase of the new year.

posted by teh l4m3 at 11:10 PM | Permalink | 4 be jibber-jabberin'

Wait, What? Snow? IN FONTANA???


Ore : 10:10 PM

No way!

Now pull it out. I'm gonna give you headlines:







And remember kids: One on the milk carton is worth
two in a white pickup truck!

posted by teh l4m3 at 10:10 PM | Permalink | 3 be jibber-jabberin'

So Old It's New Again

1.11.2007
Ore : 9:25 PM

Forget retro -- this is a counterrevolution!

KISS


Iraq has gone the way of scalloped hems and wrecked jeans -- so last year!

SING


This season, this year, there is a new name on everyone's lips, sharing the runways with the hottest models (and C-130s!) It speaks of new ways forward, but is redolent of ages past. And it moves with a secret violence, an animal passion...

G(E)RRRRR!!!!


This season, this year, Iran is the new Cambodia, Syria, the new Laos. And black, ladies and gentleman, is the new bag.

KISSINGER


Who will you be wearing?

[H/T to fashion mavens Digby Donovan and Ann Wintourhouse.]

posted by teh l4m3 at 9:25 PM | Permalink | 16 be jibber-jabberin'

When You're Familiar With Her Work...


Ore : 7:06 AM

...Renew America's Marie Jon's's headlines can be compelling -- nay, seizure-inducing.

Insane is this year's periwinkle...
While we sit in our comfortable homes...


...Illegal Mexislamofascists are creeping over our backyard fences?

...Truckloads of fetuses aborted by liberals are making their way to Canada to feed the hoppers in socialist gay-conversion serum factories?

...Osama bin Laden is secretly picking our children up from school and taking them to the boardwalk for rollercoaster rides and sweet treats just to "
show us what he can do"???

UGGA BUGGA!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH@!!!!1!!

Relax, though, it's one of her more subdued pieces: Apparently, soldiers aren't dying in Iraq and here from wounds they received from IEDs and insurgent bullets, or from psychological wounds that drive them to suicide; nor are they dying because they're fighting a war that didn't need to happen, the instigation of which was based on the baldest lies, and that has been ineptly prosecuted from the beginning.

No, American soldiers are dying because
there are now Americans in high places who oppose Bush's ad hoc policies and shifting raionales.

According to
Gavin's psychotic mistress, this suicide note:


" 'As you know, there are more people waiting for me to pull this trigger than there are waiting on my return to the states,' " Crutchfield wrote in a portion of the message intended for his mother.

" 'I'm done hurting. All my life I've been hurting ... end this pain, ' Crutchfield wrote at the end of his two-page message."



...was written not because Spc. Crutchfield was suffering a huge amount of pain and confusion due to the killing he was ordered to do, not because he suffered trauma from his experiences in war, but because Nancy Pelosi said "No" to a surge. Really.

Never doubt that stupidity' can' kill'''.

PS FREE CHUCKLES!

posted by teh l4m3 at 7:06 AM | Permalink | 3 be jibber-jabberin'

BREAKING: Tucker Carlson Is Still A Huge Slagheap

1.09.2007
Ore : 4:02 PM

FREE CHUCKLES! DOWN WITH TUCKER!!!

Here's the letter I sent MSNBC's viewer mail people:


Dear MSNBC,

I am shocked at the low calibre of "journalists" you
see fit to hire. Tucker Carlson is nothing but a
bully! My friend Chuck, who lives in the DC area
happened to blog about a sighting he had of Mr.
Carlson; Mr. Carlson, in his infinite vanity and
arrogance, was apparently googling his own name to
death when he came across the blog entry. Next thing
you know, Mr. Carlson is coming to my friend's place
of work to threaten him! My friend, to his credit,
chose to remove the blog entry. But it was too late;
yesterday, when Chuck came to work, he found that he
had been fired because Mr. Carlson had threatened a
lawsuit -- fired from a *minimum-wage job*, without
which he might not be able to get by.

And to add insult to injury, someone claiming to be
Carlson's legal representation showed up at Chuck's
former place of work to harass his former coworkers
for personal information about my friend.

I understand that this all took place outside of
Carlson's working day, but Mr. Carlson's behavior was
nevertheless outrageously bullying and is a very poor
reflection on his public figure, and by extension,
MSNBC's image. My friend Chuck in no way threatened
or libeled Mr. Carlson, but even if he had, there are
more productive avenues to recourse than threatening
"I'll fucking destroy you!" and using your massive
clout as a media celebrity to get a video clerk fired.

I hope someone can at least have a word with Mr.
Carlson about his disgusting behavior.

Thanks for your attention, from your sometime viewer,

[teh l4m3]


I suggest everyone else here do the same.

In addition to
yesterday's second update, here are some other mentions of Chuckles's travails:

And now, for some googlebombing...

Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully. Talentless Hack. Evil. Fake Journalist. Loser. Bully.


Finally, don't forget Operation Orange!!!


UPDATE:

First, a note of optimism; I have it on good authority that lovely things are in the offing for Grand Master Wang. Now then...

The mighty and handsome Brando
weighs in -- twice!

Wonkette keeps on keepin' on!

Fish hooks in.

MaxSpeak, dammit!

Operation Orange --
success? Also, possible Carlson response.

Lastly, a
present to cheer up Chuckles; got the link from an old high school buddy.

TUCKER CARLSON MUST PAY!!!

posted by teh l4m3 at 4:02 PM | Permalink | 15 be jibber-jabberin'

Why I Suddenly Care About Tucker Carlson

1.08.2007
Ore : 5:30 PM

I know I shouldn't. After all, we're talking about a fluffy git, a loudmouthed clump of hair with the intelligence and dignity of a marmoset, who personally has a hand in getting 3,000 American servicemen and women killed in Iraq (not to mention the lord-knows-how-many Iraqis killed and wounded, and the scores of thousands of Americans wounded), who has been wrong about almost every single issue that has come out of his grinch-shaped, self-satisfied mouth -- a man who cheerleaded this war just long enough to make sure it happened -- a man who should not even have a career, and never would have were it not for Dick Carlson's apparent inability to keep his fly zipped.

So what does this
armchair jingoist-cum-mean girl, this fake journalist (for one thing, real journalists offer full disclosure), this scion of wealth and power, this Heritage Foundation noodge, do with all his influence and fame? He uses it to destroy a guy who slings videos to pay the rent.

One of the ugliest sins the powerful can commit is the
sin of pettiness. And boy, is Tuck Neverlastinglongatonejob petty.

Chuck deserves two things: an apology from Carlson, and a shot at his job back if he wants it (not that he would, but still...) But he'll get neither; we're dealing with a right-winger here, who as such pretty much operates as a soulless shill. The only thing people like him understand are vindictiveness and retaliation.

Nevertheless, I don't advocate revenge. Revenge is for the immature. I prefer a lesson. Tucker needs to be punished.

The prospect, however, I find taxing to my imagination. I mean, here's a guy whose most recent claim to fame was repeatedly biffing it on "Dancing With The Ill-Starred" -- to put it bluntly, shame is not an issue for this ninny.

So while I ponder what form his discipline should take, why not visit upon Chuckles some soothing love, and shoot Dick's Li'l Squirt an angry
e-mail?

UPDATE:

I see London
I see Highgate
I see Chuckles's hateful orange
update:

Apparently, the great big orange ass has sent someone to Chuckles's now-former place of employment -- someone claiming to be Tucker's legal representation (do lawyers accept Regnery pay chits as retainers now?) -- to harass Chuckles's now-former coworker for intimate personal details about Chuck. Tucker Carlson must fry!!!

PS In light of the fact that I've done so much heavy updating the past couple of days, and that I want to keep this post at the top for a while longer, I won't be posting again today, unless I feel like doing some Tucker googlebombing...

[Take 5 to
Pinko Punkhouse]

UPDATE DOS: Oops, almost forgot -- link dump (well, I was gonna post it then blogger went "BOOM!" -- gah!):


ALSO, SUPER DOOPER ALERT: Operation "Orange."

posted by teh l4m3 at 5:30 PM | Permalink | 10 be jibber-jabberin'

Andy McCarthy of America's Shittiest Website


Ore : 1:29 PM

Needs to take a frackin' shower. A cold one.

UPDATE:

I'm just Kathy I'm a block...

So what point is K-Lo trying to make? Does she even know? Is she saying it's hypocritical for some congresscritters to take a day off for a football game because
some liberal bloggers slammed Kingston for his Blackberry gaffe? Or is this some bizarre attempt to pre-empt any predictable hypocrisy from her fellow flying monkeys on the Right?

Okay, the stupid is killing me. No more Corner for a week; it's like crack, but worse for your brain.

posted by teh l4m3 at 1:29 PM | Permalink | 0 be jibber-jabberin'

n00z h4xXx0r -- Celebrity Edition!


Ore : 9:41 AM

Now With Linxxx!!!


Traded in for newer model lolz
Free Scarlett!!!
No *hic* but your eyes look a little glazed, ossifer -- have you been eating donuts?

posted by teh l4m3 at 9:41 AM | Permalink | 2 be jibber-jabberin'

Oh. Em. Gee.

1.07.2007
Ore : 9:48 PM

I can't believe little ole me started this. I mean honestly, I showed up on the thread originally as TomKat, complaining about my body Thetans -- it was, after all, a thread about small talk. Small talk: minor, dull, quotidian matters. So naturally I, as I am occasionally wont to do, took a moment to post as one of the dullest, most minor people on the Series of Tubes.

Big mistake.

teh knew when the Honored Matre's eyes flashed orange, he was done for...
Guards, he is an imposter! SEIZE HIM!!!


Newsflash, Ann: you have made yourself a public figure, and in doing so, have opened yourself up to satire and parody in the public realm. And it's not as though I'm shooting your SSN every which way; I used your name as an alias -- an alias that links, btw, to this url -- to headline a riff on Althousean partisanship, which is just about the oldest thing on the Web one can mock. Get some perspective, and come to grips. Really.

posted by teh l4m3 at 9:48 PM | Permalink | 15 be jibber-jabberin'

Port Security!!!


Ore : 5:07 PM

Allahu Akbar!  The driest port yet!
Drinking them in the streets of Baghdad so we don't have to drink them over here.


Observations:

* OMGOMGOMGOMG You should totally watch FOX NEWS LIKE RIGHT NOW! BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T YOUR CHILDREN WILL DIE AT THE HANDS OF DIRTY BOMB-BUILDING DIRTY AY-RABS
OHMYGODOHMYGODOMYGOD!!!! ("Studio B" to return after these messages.)

* Really we Democrats and lefties are at fault here, because we're the ones who called for a greater amount of port security, which of course entails media shitstorms and bizarre press conferences.

* Another friable mud brick in the foundation of the case in defense of internment, Michelle?

* Remember: Middle Eastern = UGGA-BUGGA GAAAAAH!!!!!!!

* I've finally figured out just why FOX News elicits such a visceral revulsion in me: the tones adopted by their anchors and guesticles: it's as though they're continually trying to talk over themselves lest anyone talk over them; they seem to be in a constant state of panicky freak-out. Listening to their anchors is like being verbally bludgeoned by a meth-addled Guy Smiley.

posted by teh l4m3 at 5:07 PM | Permalink | 2 be jibber-jabberin'

Toys R Us Caves In...


Ore : 10:48 AM

...to marketplace exigencies, consumer demands. Conservatives everywhere rejoice, hailing decision as a "victory for capitalism," and a blow to interference in commercial enterprise.

posted by teh l4m3 at 10:48 AM | Permalink | 0 be jibber-jabberin'

lolz

1.06.2007
Ore : 10:24 AM

Fags r funnie.

(Yes, this cartoon makes me want to forkum someone's cox, and then to pluck out my eyes. Who are these people and why does God see fit to situate their lives so that they might continue to pay rent?)

posted by teh l4m3 at 10:24 AM | Permalink | 6 be jibber-jabberin'

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