Do perfect strangers studiously avoid eye contact when you attempt faltering, ill-advised overtures? Does the grocery deliveryman fail to broach small talk through the steel-reinforced receiving chute? Do hookers skip out with your wallet before the happy ending? Never fear, fleshbags: MSNBC is here with a few helpful tips!
- One often-effective cry for help? Vicious, nearly violent passive-aggressive venting. That'll show those elitist jerks who made fun of your mass-internment proposals!
- Don't be afraid to exhibit neediness. Bleg, bleg, and bleg! It's easy if you can get away with pretending you don't have a Lexis/Nexis account, or have ever even heard of Google!
- A more drastic approach? The future is transhumanism! Simply eliminate those pesky mammalian desires for social acceptance once and for all by becoming a gleaming, clacking, unholy marriage of flesh and machine!
(Glennbot graphic discourtesy of the highly unreliable hamsters who run Sadly, No!'s servers.)