Kitty Kattwood VS Kitty Farmer RAW SMACKDOWN!!!

Ore : 6:26 AM

Kitty Kattwood: "Do you even know who Graham Greene is?"

Kitty Farmer: "I think we've all seen Bonanza."

Kitty F bursts in the door and all but rushes the front desk, brandishing a book that isn't due for another two and a-half weeks. On its cover are the words, in big red letters "Safe Sex for Teens." "I can't believe you carry this filth -- and give it to kids!"

Kitty K smacks the offending paw out of her face. "Excuse me, is that yours? Did you check it out? If you don't like it you don't have to read it."

"You checked it out to my daughter!"

"Which means you signed the card application form."

Kitty F backs down slightly, settling into a hard, baleful simmer, "Well you have no business carrying this bullshit. A lot of us are real Christians, you know, and this isn't right, teaching kids how to fornicate. It's disgusting."

Kitty K narrows her eyes. She also makes a mighty fine nostril-flare. "What don't you get about the word 'library'? The sign out front doesn't say 'Mechanics' Library' or 'Baptist Library.' There's no qualifier there. It's a library. We carry everything. And anybody with a library card is entitled to check out whatever materials they want.

"If you want to keep your kid so in the dark that she turns into such a little idiot by the time she's on her own that she gets killed by a dangerous, uncaring world, that's really none of my business -- although I have to say I feel sorry for her. But this has nothing to do with us. You want to shelter her? That's your job. I am not your goddamn personal V-chip. Now you either check something out and leave me the hell alone, or I call the sheriff -- and I can guarantee you whose side he'll take."

Kitty K then turns back to her duties: "Leovardo, get out of his grill and wait your turn for the computer. He still has 10 minutes."

Maybe this counts as a counterpoint to the recollection of
past cowardly behavior...

And really,
go visit them. They're nice boys. And I think at least one of them might be not-hungover...

posted by teh l4m3 at 6:26 AM | Permalink |

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Comments for Kitty Kattwood VS Kitty Farmer RAW SMACKDOWN!!!
Kitty Kattwood is so goddamn fabulous.

Don't you know it.

And don't you lurve it how GC isn't around my blog to tell you "put an asterisk in place of that 'a', mr., or you're banned!!!"?

Hey, am I all alone on the intertubes today or whatz?

Christ am I ever hungover.

Saw Jello Biafra last night. He has a potbelly and was wearing a cowboy hat. Reminded me of my Dad. I don't think that Kitty Farmer would have appreciated Jello's (he let's me call him that) performance either.

Okay okay let's turn this into a "When I met Jello Biafra" thread. When I first and last met him, he had greasy lips and was cruising from behind ugly sunglasses; he was leaning against the wall in an underground SOMA dyke performance art club/bar, circa 2000...

Yikes, I was about to say what do you mean by not-hungover- still drunk?

Oh Gregor.

Oops I meant "hadn't had anything to drink the night before." Misused hyphen, and all that.

And booyakasha, foo: I wrote something else today and posted it! Take that!

When I first met Jello, they wouldn't let him in the club because it was already over the fire marshall's limit. eXtreme Elvis always did draw a large crowd.

Those were the days.

Ha. eXtreme Elvis shouldn't be welcome anywhere but the tackiest frat parties. He is no Dead Kennedy.

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