Okay Assholes Before You Even Start

9.08.2006
Ore : 6:48 AM

And I know you will. It's inevitable. I don't even have to check. Before you start on Lance Hering, just stop.

I can already hear it. Abetted by the assumptions and jumpings-to-conclusions of cable news networks' Whitman's sampler of candied sock-puppets, who themselves apparently never learned from their whole John Mark Karr fiasco several days ago, every other right-wing blog is going to offer its unasked-for "analysis" of the Hering story. "A coward," they'll say, "a cut-and-runner. Probably voted Democrat." Certain full-chested he-men (and I doubt we need a line-up to finger the usual suspects) are sure to bemoan that, "This is why America will never win the War on Terror/Clash of Civilizations/Crusade. We don't have the nerve," they'll type on their keyboards, fingers still sticky with KY and semen. Anyone with even a modicum of sense knows this is coming.

Well listen up, you little Ace of Spades-and-Protein Wisdom-reading, Reagan Dime-buying Fleshlight pumpers: The sooner you yourselves fly to Iraq and get blown in half by an IED, or more likely, blow your own face off with that homemade letter bomb you were going to send to your "demoncrat" congresscritter, or, likelier still, simply die of sheer stupidity, the better off America will be.

You are nothing but cowardly, bed-wetting, Cheetoh-stained, Risk-playing wastes of flesh. First Amendment notwithstanding, you have no business making assumptions about Hering's motives, or casting aspersions on a man who is at the center of a case so new that not even the police know what the fuck is going on, or hitching your thumbs in your suspenders, puffing up your chest, and telling us what you'd do if that yellerbelly were in your company a-hur, a-hur, [bantam-scratch, bantam-scratch].

Just shut the fuck up already, and spare us any more examples of why you aren't fit shine his boots, let alone sound off on the issues of the day. And for that matter, leave Steve Powers out of it, too. Just don't even start.

(Yes, for the record, I did wake up too early today. Fucking elk. But my points stand.)

posted by teh l4m3 at 6:48 AM | Permalink |

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Comments for Okay Assholes Before You Even Start
Fucking elk.

Umm....elk?

Well said. (including the elk)

Oh, so you got the first shipment from the Cervus of the Month Club I gave you for your birthday. They take forever to ship but sure are tasty.

Goddamn mutherfuckers were bugling right outside my window at 4:30 in the fucking morning. GAAAAHHHH!!!

Chuckles: ???

I came by to say hello, but I don't know who these people are.

But I do know about elk.

-Jason (DJRed)

I just googled him. Now I understand now. Is it wrong to say that I think he's pretty hot?

-Jason (DJRed)

No Jason, it's not. Of course, if it turns out he's dead, that sort of makes you a necrophiliac...

I feel for your elk hating morning.

did you ever have a toy as a kid, a 3 foot long thin plastic tube, all bendy like a bendy straw, that you would whip around over your head rapidly to make a terrible siren-ish sound?

Faster for higher, slower for lower?

that is very much what an elk sounds like.

fucking elk.

Fucking elk ruined the whole post.

Goddamn mutherfuckers were bugling right outside my window at 4:30 in the fucking morning. GAAAAHHHH!!!

Oh hell no. Are you allowed to kill them? There's a ton of mean on one of those bad boys.

Elk taste good.

res: alas I have no elk tags.

And this 3:30 AM, it was the coyotes. Lovely.

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