Mr. Cheney, I Am Flipping You Off So Hard Right Now

Ore : 11:26 AM

I hope you can feel it. You and Bush and and Condi and Gonzales -- not to mention your crypto-fascist congressional enablers, the mouthbreathers at LittleGreenShitballs, the Wingnut Welfare Queens at the National Review -- the whole lot of you have turned my country into a nation of bedwetters.

In the wake of Kennedy's assassination, in the wake of the Oklahoma City bombing, it seems to me that our leaders acted appropriately. Their response was to calm people and try and unite them, to allay fears, to make sure that the most level heads possible prevailed in the national discourse. The plan of the Bush administration, in the wake of 9/11, has been the exact opposite. They seemed to think, "Wow, we can really use this. Ratchet up the fear, and we can play the American people like a poorly tuned, cacaphonous instrument!" Next thing you know, James Lileks can barely make it to the Tar-zhey without a condom catheter, and his new Todd Oldham sheets need to be rubberized.

Every one who isn't a Bush Republican is a traitor, giving "aid and comfort to the enemy." Buy duct tape. Your neighbor canvasses for the Peace & Freedom Party? Report her and we'll put her on the No-Fly List. Suspend habeas corpus. Torture people. Reclassify documents. Kerry up in the polls? Raise the terror alert level to yellow. Balsa wood planes. Mushroom clouds. Hell, the greatest part of the 2004 Bush/Cheney campaign involved Cheney telling handpicked crowds of loyalty-oath signers that their children would die at the hands of Mexislamonazifascists if they didn't vote for him.

At this point, if you're still cowering every time someone shrieks, "Flying imams!", I know some shady Arabs at the Port of Miami who want to sell you sprinkler parts, dumbass.

Cut to yesterday: Some college kids, maybe to make a little extra dough, participated in a viral marketing campaign to promote an upcoming cartoon movie, in concert with fans and stoners in several other American cities, by placing these LED signs around town. But in one instance, one noodlehead all hopped up on Bush Brand Terrorballs goes nuts and panics the whole city of Boston. But who's going to get nailed to the wall? Not the bedwetters who overreacted, no, but the guys whose actions were immediately mistaken for 9/11 2: Radiological and/or Biochemical Boogaloo.

Right now, these kids are sitting in the hoosegow, as near as I can tell, on charges of perpetrating a "hoax" and "disorderly conduct." I'll let the latter slide for now, 'cos I've got to head out the door, but the former cracks me up. It's a hoax if those devices were planted with the intention of making people think they were bombs. But this isn't the equivalent of yelling "IED" in a crowded theatre; it's the equivalent of tagging said crowded theatre with stickers bearing the scandalous name of your favorite local band.

And you know what the worst part is? The American people are getting really sick hearing people cry, "Dishdasha-clad wolf!" thanks to the White House's continued machinations. One of these days, somebody is going to report something real, something truly scary, and the response won't be what it should because every underemployed mook will have spent his last dime on plastic sheeting and a gas mask.

For fuck's sake, people, let's get a grip here.

PS I'd also like to add that if the Turner Broadcasting people have any sense and honor at all, they will provide the best defense money can buy for the ill-starred guys who got busted -- Big Ted himself better be lining up to take the stand on their behalf.

posted by teh l4m3 at 11:26 AM | Permalink |

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Comments for Mr. Cheney, I Am Flipping You Off So Hard Right Now
between this and joe biden, it's been the week of stupid. we've got enough stupid to last through at least st. patrick's day. huzzah for teh stupidz!11

what's been really troubling has been digging some of the comments on posts at obstensibly liberal sites - there's two or three ppl over at steve gilliard's who come across like they were weeping, writing stuff like, "you don't know what boston went through yesterday."

i think the buy-in on fear goes plenty deeper than we suspect, and it will be years before that evens out, even among ppl who claim a more rational politics.

between this and joe biden, it's been the week of stupid.

Let's not even get started on the whole Hole In Malkin's Onion-shaped Thingie debacle...

between this and joe biden, it's been the week of stupid.

Um Sweetie, it's been pretty stupid since 2000.

To quote JT a little in her 2009 campagin:

"I'm bringing sanity back! Those Republican Mothah Fuckers don't know how to act."

You're right about the crying wolf thing. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but during the 2003 Christmas seasonOh-My-God-We're-All-Going-To-Die alert, I bought bottled water, extra batteries, cans of food, the whole bit. Now I hardly pay attention any more (granted, the terror alert level manipulations have lost their political purpose, but still). I ate the last of the Mary Kitchen corned beef hash sometime in 2005. If there's ever an attack, at least I'll die with that delicious memory.

why be prepared? so some unprepared yahoo with a gun has a reason to kill you?

btw, AG, i never appreciated your pic before. I always imagined it was bowhunter barbie or something.

great post, as usual!

"I'm bringing sanity back! Those Republican Mothah Fuckers don't know how to act."


Yo--Rickey digs your blog. Check out Rickey's sometime:

Little green footballs gets great blog cred for the same ol moonbat speal. When will it end? I hates em with the fire a 10,000 burning hells.

AG: yeah, but this week's been one of those hard-driving-van halenesque-slide-on-your-knees, guitar solos of stupid.

AG and dex: I hear that just ot be safe they've scheduled Rich Little for the halftime show too.

I love that Sesame Street Terror Alert thing. To me, that says it all.

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