Shocking True Confessions!!!

Ore : 10:54 AM

Once, at a crowded SoMA dyke bar which is no longer in existence, I grabbed Jello Biafra's ass during a reading by Michelle Tea. I don't think he felt it, the poor slut.

When I was in the second grade, I called this older kid who was bullying me a "nigger." I try to excuse myself by saying that it's all I had in my arsenal to match his "honky" taunts and other epithets, but I still feel like I've got a major karmic bitchslap coming for that one...

Up through my freshman year in high school, I was an enormously ardent Whoopi Goldberg fan. And I'm not talking about her old stand-up routines, or her bartending gig on Star Trek. I'm talking about the movies everyone else loves to dis: Jumping Jack Flash was my Number One favorite ("Who are you? Rona Barrett? DAMN!" Hi-larious, I tell you). Burglar, Fatal Beauty, The Telephone. Of course, the only serious movie of hers I enjoyed was the Color Purple (bawled my eyes out through the entire thing, btw); she lost me around the time of Ghost, yet briefly redeemed herself (in my eyes) with Soapdish.

I'm a closet Hole fan.

When I was a high schooler, I once jacked off to a sexy scene in an Anne Rice novel. Bad, monkey, bad!

I used to have NKOTB posters on my bedroom wall.

When I was pre-3rd grade, my little friends and I would play Battlestar Galactica Viper dogfights on the blacktop. Only I would sometimes cheat and intercede as Colonel Wilma Deering in her Maurauder; my little brother, as Buck, would fly in to protect my flank with a loud "WOOSH! PYEEEW! PYEEW! KA-BOOM!!!"

Whew. That's better. Got something to get off your chest?

posted by teh l4m3 at 10:54 AM | Permalink |

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Comments for Shocking True Confessions!!!
WOW. that took cajones. whoopi goldberg?!

"hole fan"


Most of my humiliations have come at the hands of pretty woman. Get me drunk and I'll share a few.

Hey, I like the pole and the hole...

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