Shocking True Confessions!!!

10.20.2005
Ore : 10:54 AM

Once, at a crowded SoMA dyke bar which is no longer in existence, I grabbed Jello Biafra's ass during a reading by Michelle Tea. I don't think he felt it, the poor slut.

When I was in the second grade, I called this older kid who was bullying me a "nigger." I try to excuse myself by saying that it's all I had in my arsenal to match his "honky" taunts and other epithets, but I still feel like I've got a major karmic bitchslap coming for that one...

Up through my freshman year in high school, I was an enormously ardent Whoopi Goldberg fan. And I'm not talking about her old stand-up routines, or her bartending gig on Star Trek. I'm talking about the movies everyone else loves to dis: Jumping Jack Flash was my Number One favorite ("Who are you? Rona Barrett? DAMN!" Hi-larious, I tell you). Burglar, Fatal Beauty, The Telephone. Of course, the only serious movie of hers I enjoyed was the Color Purple (bawled my eyes out through the entire thing, btw); she lost me around the time of Ghost, yet briefly redeemed herself (in my eyes) with Soapdish.

I'm a closet Hole fan.

When I was a high schooler, I once jacked off to a sexy scene in an Anne Rice novel. Bad, monkey, bad!

I used to have NKOTB posters on my bedroom wall.

When I was pre-3rd grade, my little friends and I would play Battlestar Galactica Viper dogfights on the blacktop. Only I would sometimes cheat and intercede as Colonel Wilma Deering in her Maurauder; my little brother, as Buck, would fly in to protect my flank with a loud "WOOSH! PYEEEW! PYEEW! KA-BOOM!!!"

Whew. That's better. Got something to get off your chest?

posted by teh l4m3 at 10:54 AM | Permalink |

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Comments for Shocking True Confessions!!!
WOW. that took cajones. whoopi goldberg?!

"hole fan"

*snicker*

Most of my humiliations have come at the hands of pretty woman. Get me drunk and I'll share a few.

Hey, I like the pole and the hole...

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