And he's right, you know. I mean, about the being white. Because Glenn Beck is white -- I mean super-duper, mayo-on-Wonder Bread, blindingly white. Of all the Rightist idiot box jabberers, perhaps only John "Albino Ratboy" Gibson is whiter, and he perhaps only by virtue of FOX's poor production standards, which make every male in the studio look like he crawled out from under a rock. Prematurely gray, receding chin, and a puffy pallor that's only barely camouflaged by the studio's liberal slatherings of bronzer: Glenn Beck could make a fucking marshmallow look like Miss Teen Hawaii hosting a tanning bed convention.And remember, white people: Niall Ferguson warns us that too few of you are having babies -- and who wouldn't want an adorable little bundle of joy like the one pictured above?
More important, his soul is white. And not in the way mine is -- that is to say I am acutely aware of the privilege afforded me by society (especially when I keep my mouth shut about sexuality and politics) because of the color of my skin. No, he says, "Because if you are a white human that loves America and happens to be a Christian, forget about it, Jack. You are the only one that doesn't have a political action committee for you." He's got the "poor, put-upon me with my white man's burden" mindset down pat. In short, his soul is what many of us on the leftier side of things, whether rightly or wrongly, term "white," perhaps our own reverse racist shorthand, simply because he's a discreditable whiner -- and nobody whines more bitterly and more sputteringly than a four-eyed reactionary John Bircher with the complexion of a subterranean grub.
I do admire though how nobly he bears his isolation, minority status, and disenfranchisement: No political action committee for him, no -- he'll settle for the embrace of the Isolde-pale arms of the vast majority of the political and media establishment, and their overwhelmingly melanin-deprived corporate overlords. So thank you, but no 527's for white, heterosexual, conservative Beck. He's such a rugged individualist.
Then again, he does admit to being a Mormon. That's not a very popular religion at all, and is, let's face it, one of the whitest ever invent- excuse me, "revealed." Poor Glenn. I feel so bad for him, I just might vote for Mitt Romney. Just, you know, to balance out all the extremely poor, black, differently abled lesbians currently lording it over us and running the Western world.