Soda Jerks

12.10.2008
Ore : 1:43 PM

WTF? RawStory, Atrios, DKos -- what is with all my favorite Democratic/liberal blogs and Websites running those tacky sodahead.com ads?

And who the hell starts push-polling immediately after an election? I suppose we should be grateful: if, over the past eight years, right-wingers had spent as much time and effort trying to impelement their ideology as they did marketing it, our country would probably be a carcass-littered, uninhabitable wasteland.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 1:43 PM | Permalink | 6 be jibber-jabberin'

"Threadbare," Okay, But Still...

12.07.2008
Ore : 9:23 AM


Mr. Stafford is picking up the tab for three nights with meals at the hotel for scores of the normally uninvited and overlooked. He’s even promising gown, tuxedo and hair-dresser costs for those most in need. “We just need to get back to caring about one another,” Mr. Stafford told The Washington Post, paraphrasing the Bible: “To whom much is given, much is required.”

Mr. Stafford is one-upping Obama inaugural vows to “open this up to the public.” It’s heartening to contemplate a few of Washington’s steam-grate hoboes partying spiffy as expense-account insiders.
I want to know if the editor and writer who decided to go with the sensitive and oh-so-appropriate "steam-grate hoboes" to describe working poor or otherwise disadvantaged Americans also does children's parties.

"Steam-grate hoboes"? Really, dude?

[h/t mcjoan.]

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posted by teh l4m3 at 9:23 AM | Permalink | 0 be jibber-jabberin'

The Hermit of Stink Hollow

11.08.2008
Ore : 5:08 PM

No. Absolutely Not.


David Brooks, Tom Brokaw, Brit Hume, et alia can kiss the American people's collective ass. The country has spoken, leaving Barack Obama under no obligation to nominate a Likudnik colonialist to head the Department of Defense, a creationist oil lobbyist to the Department of the Interior, or a parks-his-RV-at-Wal-Mart zygote licker to the Supreme Court.

We won, bitches. Get over it.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 5:08 PM | Permalink | 2 be jibber-jabberin'

Post-Debate Analysis, One Sentence

10.08.2008
Ore : 9:45 AM

Shorter Tom Brokaw: "Sit down, boy!"

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posted by teh l4m3 at 9:45 AM | Permalink | 2 be jibber-jabberin'

Post-Coital Cigarette

10.03.2008
Ore : 8:54 AM

Three thoughts:

1. From the front page of our local fishwrapping AKA The San Francisco Chronicle: "No game-changing moments in highly anticipated debate." Duh: Most viewers came away with their impressions intact that Biden is a smart if occasionally mistake-prone guy, and that Sarah Palin is in over her head.

2. Apropos that last bit: despite CNN polls showing most viewers thought Biden won the debate, pundits are still spinning it that Palin triumphed because she didn't lick Gwen Ifill's face after dropping her drawers and taking a dump onstage. File under Saw That Coming A Mile Away.

3. Cheney is a one-off, and has hardly set a precedent for redefining and aggrandizing immense amounts of power and influence to the Vice Presidency; this is still a position whose biggest responsibilities include breaking a tied vote in the Senate and looking frumpy at funerals. These guys aren't running for Master of the Universe -- Palin, if McCain proves victorious, wouldn't wield the power possessed by Evil-Lyn's hairdresser. Let's keep perspective, people.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 8:54 AM | Permalink | 2 be jibber-jabberin'

Conflict of Interest

10.01.2008
Ore : 10:23 AM


How can we expect this crafty negress to fairly moderate a debate in which one of the participants is a running-mate to a fellow jigaboo about whom she's written what must surely be a laudatory book? That's like asking Charlie Gibson to interview Governor Palin.

J'accuse, MSM!

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posted by teh l4m3 at 10:23 AM | Permalink | 2 be jibber-jabberin'

Another Nail In The Kaffiyeh

5.31.2008
Ore : 1:26 PM

Score one to Michelle Malkin. Not because that nasty little clam actually made any sort of substantive point -- when has she ever? -- but because she and her mouth-breathing no-necks have once again successfully muddied the waters to the point where the following is the narrative many media outlets have chosen to take on the issue:

Rachael Ray's controversial... scarf?
We never thought scarves could be "controversial," but then again, we've never had our neckwear critiqued by millions of people. Rachael Ray wore a fringed scarf for a recent Dunkin Donuts ad, and a blogger pointed out that scarf was similar to "the type typically worn by Muslim extremists." Others voiced their opinions and pretty soon, Dunkin Donuts pulled the ad. The New York Times recaps this textbook example of the Web's massive influence.
Now, I'm the first one to applaud any instance of snatching Rachael Ray's dead-clown face off the screen, but really... This is like siccing Ferdinand Marcos on that fat old John Bircher down the block.

Also, bonus to Malkin for getting the
New York Times to notice her for raising the profile of blogs even as her idiocy continues to deeply undermine their usefulness.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 1:26 PM | Permalink | 7 be jibber-jabberin'

IN RE: Extremely Anecdotal, But Still...

5.24.2008
Ore : 1:58 PM

Okay, enough of this. I personally have not met any voters who will vote for McCain because Clinton lost the primary. Fucking stupid. Frankly, all the differences I've seen among the supporters of both have seemed genial and thoughtful and in good sport.

Will people just stop talking about how the Dems are going to self-destruct during this primary? Folks, as much as some might want this to happen, the truth is that people are just so damn happy to see a sight in end to the Bush years. End stop.

Also, these:



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posted by teh l4m3 at 1:58 PM | Permalink | 1 be jibber-jabberin'

Discussed On The 'Tubes A Billion Times, But Just To Be Clear...

3.28.2008
Ore : 5:24 PM

...This is a "dog bites man" story not only because the subject is a Republican, (a political party from whom everyone who isn't brain-dead has expected this kind of behavior since the '70s), and not only because this is a Bush Administration hire, but because the subject is one of those "Cuba libre" nutballs, almost all of whom are naturally criminal -- often such clowns are involved with or are supportive of the mafioso against whom Castro and his followers originally complained.

Let's face it: your average, normal American doesn't give a flying fuck about Cuba, and certainly doesn't view Fidelland's sheer existence as an existential threat to everything America is. In pracitice, any American who cares enough to actively and vociferously oppose Cuban Communism is usually a proto-fascist who's a breath away from singing the praises of Batista (but only in the safe confines of Grover Norquist's living room.) Really, the most notable parts of this story are a) it weirdly segues into that silly plagiarism story (apparently, almost as bad as getting blown in the Oval Office), and b) that it was so poorly investigated yet published nevertheless.

Just who is editing for AP anyway? Since when did journalists and editors stop giving a goddamn about the whole "who, what, when, where and why" thing? All around, just a very odd story.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 5:24 PM | Permalink | 6 be jibber-jabberin'

Yeah, Uh-huh

1.18.2008
Ore : 9:57 AM

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posted by teh l4m3 at 9:57 AM | Permalink | 10 be jibber-jabberin'

Hello Nasty

10.05.2007
Ore : 1:11 PM

I too am both bored and disgusted with the so-called dialogue, currently a blip in the national discourse, about flag lapel pins. But it once again highlights the real one-sidedness of discussion -- specifically, that one side has a glut of voices willing to be as vile as possible, whereas the other side has this irritating compulsion to almost always take the high road. Note to Senators Obama and Clinton, as well as to the few Jack Caffertys (so professional!) and Jon Stewarts (so self-deprecating and fair!) usually working our side: That schtick don't work.

Every time a prominent liberal or Democrat takes a noble, morally superior position, to which they seem always to aspire, it blows up in their faces. On KGO this morning, Ed Baxter and a guest (a former Nixon employee!) discussed the flag pin issue, and Obama and Clinton's quotes (Kennedyesque and slyly dismissive, respectively) seemed to play right into typical centrist/lazy corporate journalist hands. At one point, even after the guest all but admitted that for years Republicans had been hiding behind ostentatious displays of patriotism such as the flag pins, he and Baxter seemed (almost purposefully) to miss the point made by Obama and the point implied by Clinton, and chose instead to accuse Obama of making the flag-flaunting a partisan issue ("Why can't we just wear the pins and say, 'I'm an American and this is America' without making it a partisan thing?"), and even had Chris Matthews-esque fun with Senator Clinton's response of "Sometimes," to whether she wears the pin ("Yes, of course she'd say that." Flipflopconventionalwisdomnudgenudgehawhaw.)

Senator Obama in particular needs to do more than thicken his armor, he needs to sharpen his claws. When asked a question that reminds one of the Republican penchant for using bunting to hide a whole host of evils, it's not enough to tastefully echo
Sinclair Lewis and exhort potential voters to pay less attention to what he's not wearing. It's time to make the opposition and the Maureen Dowds and Tim Russerts afraid of him for a change. It's time to openly quote Sinclair Lewis, and accuse the Republicans of using the stars and stripes as a shield from behind which to launch an entirely un-American agenda, replete with torture, indefinite detention, extraordinary rendition, Constitution-shredding, and everything else their putrid little conservative brains have thought up. It's time to make our own accusations of treason.

It's beyond time for more of us to get as nasty with the opposition as they've been with us.

To wit: Somebody should have mentioned to certain airship manufacturers that lithium, though one of the lightest elements in the periodic table, isn't the ideal buoyant filling for certain bags of gas. Nevertheless, der Zeppelin Limbaugh continues to limp along a few hundred feet above the earth, sagging, inebratiedly lurching, but never quite crashing. Sure he's helped by the usual suspects, his fellow right-wing bags of hot air, as well as by the refusal of the corporate media (of which he is a part) to pay more than glancing attention to what would be in any other public figure career-killing character flaws, but he's also aided by a secret asset: opposition that has for too long remained far more civil to him than he deserves, considering his track record. Outside of Al Franken,
The Rude Pundit, and a few flyspecks such as yours truly, we have -- what? -- Keith Olbermann sternly wagging his finger.

We need the few schoolmarms we have -- the smart and justly moralizing Glenn Greenwalds have their place and provide a valuable service, and indeed we need more of them -- but what we really need is a multimedia echo chamber as vicious and relentless as a school of piranhas, or as the Right's. We need teeth (and not a moment too soon, judging from this
very lame defense of Limbaugh's "phony soldiers" smear by John Gibson and Ann Coulter; there is definitely blood in the water.)

I understand it's difficult: everyone knows he's a drug-addicted, hypocritical liar. Even his fans. Nothing's been able to shoot down this bird, despite all the ammunition provided: chickenhawkery, the vilest expressions of racism, Oxycontin (and the God Mammon knows what other drugs), sympathy for domestic terrorists.

But there's one story I wish had really stuck, and it's one that bears repeating: In 2006, Rushie-poo was busted coming off a flight from the Dominican Republic because a bottle of Viagra on his person was labeled as a prescription for his doctor. Big deal you say (and as many of his right-wing apologists did), but here's the disgusting meme that needs perpetuating: When a balding, middle-aged, gluttonous, porcine white guy vacations with a bottle of Viagra, it's because he's going as a sex tourist. When a sex tourist chooses the Dominican Republic or Thailand over, say, the Netherlands or Nevada, it's because he wants to fuck little brown children. He wants to sweat over and thrust his half-limp johnson into poverty-stricken tots whose situations and pimps give them no choice but to say "yes" to whatever the wealthy, drug-addled, horrifyingly real-life Eric Cartman wants.

Yeah, that's the swell kind of guy we want beamed over the airwaves by American Forces Radio, subsidized by the American taxpayer.

See, when you read his books, when you listen to or purchase airtime during his shows, when your business buys commercial space on his web site, or when you defend him in public speeches or in conversation (Gibson, Coulter, et alia) for any reason, you are abetting and supporting pedophilia and sexual slavery. How does that taste?

(Considering those are also my tax dollars, I can honestly say it tastes a little bit like rancid pork.)

I guess what I'm saying is, where are more blog posts, columns, and on-air editorials in this tenor?

Here's a current opportunity for meanness: the Republican response to Democratic criticisms of George Bush's handling of the SCHIP issue wasn't a defensive response, but a typically offensive one: "How dare you exploit children in your ads for partisan gain?" they ask with feigned indignation. Nobody should be defending that, or even stopping at "You guys do it, too." We should be attacking in return: "So what if children are used in ads to benefit children, and in the process, some politicians get a boost? George Bush's career is in part predicated on killing children outright; here, by depriving them of what they need, and abroad by simply bombing, shooting, and burning them. Which side would you rather be on?"

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posted by teh l4m3 at 1:11 PM | Permalink | 0 be jibber-jabberin'

You Do Know...

9.21.2007
Ore : 7:55 PM

...What the meta-discourse is with regards to this story, don't you?

How about Obama blowing up the Sears Tower!
It is this: "Let's please, please, please talk about anyone other than Kucinich and Edwards. They after all actually take positions on poverty. And we can't have that! I'd much rather spend our airtime talking about how Obama made a baby with Hitlery and that baby was a girl who grew to be a flight attendant who successfully landed a flight that otherwise would have ended in disaster because she's none other than Karen Black!"

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posted by teh l4m3 at 7:55 PM | Permalink | 4 be jibber-jabberin'

I Wish That I Had Jessie's Girl

6.22.2007
Ore : 11:58 AM

Laci Fucking Petersen. Again.

Although it's nice to see CNN paying as much attention to that 50 year-old migrant worker who went missing...

And really, who besides Madonna steals black babies?

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posted by teh l4m3 at 11:58 AM | Permalink | 7 be jibber-jabberin'

Week In Reviewish

6.09.2007
Ore : 9:11 AM

The immigration bill: Thank the invisible hand that it failed. Though it leaves a bad taste in my mouth -- you know, having to rely on the nativist/racist vote to defeat it, still... That atrocious guest worker program was nothing less than an attempt to reinstitutionalize slavery in the United States. Evil, vile, unworthy of us.

* * *


Jefferson: I won't get as vehement as mikey does (mainly 'cos I claim Cali), but I'll say this: the appearance of impropriety doesn't mean in the context of private life what it does when you're a public servant and elected official. He should resign just for that.

(Though I hope everyone notices, there's no equivalent of the "Free Scooter Libby" movement on the Left. Same thing happened with Traficant: did he commit a crime? Fine, let's step back, let justice take it's course, and if he's done wrong, let him go. That said, if Jefferson's byline on CNN had an (R), this wouldn't even have been a news story.)

* * *


I call a moratorium on the John Edwards Haircutgate/primping, "I feel pretty" "scandal". Look:



What do you have to say to that, Candy Crowley, Maureen Dowd, Wolf Blitzer?

* * *


Who the fuck is Paris Hilton, and why the fuck hasn't anyone thrown her under a bus already? Oh, right, because doing so would foster even more cable news coverage...

* * *


So far Edwards is in my number 1 spot, mainly because he talks about poverty -- no one else is doing that. Still, Obama has no red marks on his record with regards to Iraq. As for Clinton: way too centrist-corporatist-DLC for me; thanks, but I'll pass.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 9:11 AM | Permalink | 5 be jibber-jabberin'

Fisher House and Hero Miles

5.27.2007
Ore : 1:17 PM

Fine and dandy. Wonderful in fact, and doubtless very worthwhile undertakings. But I am troubled why our corporate media talking heads take it as a matter of course -- not one of the Wolf Blitzers or Heidi Collinses bat an eyelash -- that returning veterans and their families must rely so heavily on private charity.

I just can't shake the notion that there is something very wrong here.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 1:17 PM | Permalink | 1 be jibber-jabberin'

Journalistic Integrity


Ore : 8:27 AM

Wow. David Brooks on CNN: one moment, gleefully and wildly speculating on the nature of Hillary Clinton's sex life, and making the case that this is a story of great importance to the American people...

...And in the next breath, wondering aloud whether the American people are truly served by a story on covert operations in Iran.

Reliable sources my ass.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 8:27 AM | Permalink | 1 be jibber-jabberin'

His Ratings I Suppose Bear Him Out

4.02.2007
Ore : 5:42 PM

Ice, ice baby...
And remember, white people: Niall Ferguson warns us that too few of you are having babies -- and who wouldn't want an adorable little bundle of joy like the one pictured above?
And he's right, you know. I mean, about the being white. Because Glenn Beck is white -- I mean super-duper, mayo-on-Wonder Bread, blindingly white. Of all the Rightist idiot box jabberers, perhaps only John "Albino Ratboy" Gibson is whiter, and he perhaps only by virtue of FOX's poor production standards, which make every male in the studio look like he crawled out from under a rock. Prematurely gray, receding chin, and a puffy pallor that's only barely camouflaged by the studio's liberal slatherings of bronzer: Glenn Beck could make a fucking marshmallow look like Miss Teen Hawaii hosting a tanning bed convention.

More important, his soul is white. And not in the way mine is -- that is to say I am acutely aware of the privilege afforded me by society (especially when I keep my mouth shut about sexuality and politics) because of the color of my skin. No, he says, "Because if you are a white human that loves America and happens to be a Christian, forget about it, Jack. You are the only one that doesn't have a political action committee for you." He's got the "poor, put-upon me with my white man's burden" mindset down pat. In short, his soul is what many of us on the leftier side of things, whether rightly or wrongly, term "white," perhaps our own reverse racist shorthand, simply because he's a discreditable whiner -- and nobody whines more bitterly and more sputteringly than a four-eyed reactionary John Bircher with the complexion of a subterranean grub.

I do admire though how nobly he bears his isolation, minority status, and disenfranchisement: No political action committee for him, no -- he'll settle for the embrace of the Isolde-pale arms of the vast majority of the political and media establishment, and their overwhelmingly melanin-deprived corporate overlords. So thank you, but no 527's for white, heterosexual, conservative Beck. He's such a rugged individualist.

Then again, he does admit to being a Mormon. That's not a very popular religion at all, and is, let's face it, one of the whitest ever invent- excuse me, "revealed." Poor Glenn. I feel so bad for him, I just might vote for Mitt Romney. Just, you know, to balance out all the extremely poor, black, differently abled lesbians currently lording it over us and running the Western world.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 5:42 PM | Permalink | 6 be jibber-jabberin'

Review of My Weekend In Media

3.26.2007
Ore : 10:40 AM

John Fowles's The Magus: I didn't realize just how off-putting I thought John Fowles until I came across The Magus in the stacks. I checked it out, then left it in my pile for two weeks. The reason for my reluctance was The Collector, a novel my memory of which is still sharp after 13 years thanks to its deeply disturbing and harrowing nature. It still haunts me.

Although as artful in its own way as The Collector, and philosophically richer, The Magus is less emotionally sophisticated; just as tense, but not as deeply involving (although there's something to be said for the idea of building your first novel -- and it was his first novel, though it was published after The Collector -- around an intelligent yet typically selfish, solopsistic and somewhat narcissistic man in his 20s; it's smart, as such a character provides a fine jumping off point with plenty of safety nets.) The Magus nevertheless is the more layered of the two, and seems more finely crafted, probably owing to the many years he invested in it; as I'm here paraphrasing, and possibly in error, I can't remember who said that if it doesn't take a long time to write, it isn't worth reading... Hemingway, perhaps?

Fowles's evocation of rural island Greece is sharp and immediate, a sparely sensuous and striking complement to the story. He's no Byron -- even Maugham's Mediterranean musings are superior here -- but he nevertheless acquits himself handily.

He's also mildly Kafkaesque in his account of the convoluted masque, and The Magus is glancingly reminiscent of Eco's Foucault's Pendulum, which it predates and which by comparison seems de trop. Then again the touch may be light because the plot is so incidental -- providing, by the way, little in the way of visceral satisfaction, a hallmark of decent literature -- as style and form take a back seat to the travails of seldom-sympathetic Nicholas Urfe and his remarkable emotional and intellectual growth through the course of Conchis's godgame. A recommended read, although I would have been more swept away had I dove in during my early 20s.

Battlestar Galactica, season finale: A sterling episode (oddly, I found third banana Felix's audacious and disheartening perjury the biggest stand-out shocker.) My grumblings are mostly subjective: the trial scenes could have been abridged, as I personally am fascinated more with the intertwined Final Five, "So who else is a Cylon?", and search-for-Earth subplots. One grumbling, however, is pretty well-grounded: an indignant WTF at that ridiculous song ("...said the joker to the thief"? Starting at Ravi Shankarish noodling and what, ending with Wolfmother?), and indeed, the last several minutes' promise of Starbuck as deuce ex machina -- an echo of the goofy "
Ships of Light" storyline, as Michelle Forbes was a chilling reimagining of Lloyd Bridges's blustery Admiral Cain? Still, I'm willing to withhold judgment on all that until next year, when they find Earth.

And after more reflection I finally realized precisely what I found so disappointing in those first couple of episodes. Battlestar Galactica is a dour, almost entirely humorless teevee show (the scant exceptions: waggish Gaius Baltar, Laura Roslin in her better moments, and -- very occasionally -- a couple of Cylons.) This dearth is excusable during highly tense and dramatic stretches, but is tedious during otherwise dramatically inert episodes, and even, in almost purely nail-biting installments such as last night's, during those scenes in which characters interminably drag out dialogue and what the creators browbeat us into believing are key scenes -- what's wrong with the writers that they cannot throw in any crackling, snapping banter, or perhaps an appropriate momentary surrender to obvious absurdity? Pack a bowl already, and spark that bitch up! This unrelenting gloominess, for all the show's overwhelming quality and quantity of virtues, is its gravest flaw.

Oh, and "Battlestar Galactica will return in 2008"? Do they know it's March? For shame, jerkwads, for shame.

The Simpsons: Back on track? I was rather pleased, as I always am with any episode showcasing Homer. And Lenny in Seven Of Nine drag was a truly special treat. One wonders if that, as well as the easy skewering of Hollywood, will bring Jonah back into the fold, so ample it is...

Joseph W. Valentine's A Book of Clichés: A delightful little volume, and a ten-minute read tops. I'm sure there's enough scholarship and research out there that it could support a vast expansion and still be eminently readable, but this is fine. And who can say no to James Mackey's too-cool-for-the-snapping-Beat-circle charcoal illustrations?

I'd particularly like to see Benjamin Franklin turn his wry gaze and curtly pursed lips to the Bush Administration's revealing misappropriation of his Poor Richard's Almanack proverb; in their version, a "
bad apple" implies an isolated incident, a tumor that can be excised with some hope as it has not metastasized; Franklin, on the other hand, who lived fairly closer to the earth, knew full well that one was indicative of rot throughout the bushel, a systemic problem.

* * *

Otherwise, I was a rustic, turning soil, weeding, burning tumbleweeds. The parsley's bursting, the dill's sprouting, and the chives are about ready to bolt. I do have a life you know.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 10:40 AM | Permalink | 11 be jibber-jabberin'

n00z u cant y00ze.

3.22.2007
Ore : 8:13 AM



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posted by teh l4m3 at 8:13 AM | Permalink | 5 be jibber-jabberin'

Is He Crying For A Change? Depends™...

3.20.2007
Ore : 12:10 PM

So, I just got back from getting the library mail, and two things stuck out.

Assata Shakur ain't got nuthin' on me, bitchez.First, the CAIR package. Alas, it exploded when I opened it -- but with liberalism, not Semtex (though some might argue the two are interchangeable.) CAIR was kind enough to send me that book in which Communist Jimmy Carter proves once and for all that Jews are the new Nazis. I hope I can read it in time for my next Bund rally!

Second, the super-classy cover of this week's issue of TIME, on which
Zombie Reagan cries for the sins of the modern Right. Not that that makes much sense; I mean yes, it makes sense that someone would hijack a conveniently dead figurehead with PhotoShop in order to forward an agenda (and really, this cover definitely could have used a background collage of the collapsing WTC, an equally lachrymose bald eagle, and the burnt and bloody corpse of Dale Ernhardt, Jr., as well), but not that he would be looking down from heaven and crying. Tears? The Gipper don't shed no tears -- I'd sooner expect to see the Duke wipe his fatally constipated ass with Charmin' wetnaps than with the lichen-encrusted scraps of oak bark that Supply Side Jesus intended for real he-men to use.

BRAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNNSSSS!!!Then again, he could be crying because that pesky Wisenheimer's disease prevents him from viewing Bush's fall into even worse gracelesness in the context of the history of the American Right, which, let's face it, has never had integrity; Reagan provided only an illusion of that.

"What would Ronnie do?" For one thing, he would have kept John Ashcroft, instead of hiring some wetback. Then he'd eat jellybeans and take a nap, while a molar-grinding and angrily muttering George H.W. Bush would head south to the border to supervise the construction of that new
electrified fence.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 12:10 PM | Permalink | 5 be jibber-jabberin'

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