Glibertarian Type 4, Tier 8 -- D-List

Ore : 7:33 AM

Several thoughts upon "discovering" Robert Stacy McCain's blahg:

- His tag reads "Award-winning columnist, reporter, editor, author, bon vivant and raconteur." First, I'd like to know which awards he's won besides a booger-encrusted gold star from Instapundit's crotchlings. Second, I'm sure there's no such thing as an award for a raconteur -- certainly, I can't imagine such an award being doled out to someone who has the temerity to label himself one. And third, anyone who calls himself a bon vivant is just admitting to a case of raging, incorrigible alcoholism.

- Immediate impression is of a coverless, dog-eared, yard-sale paperback version of PJ O'Rourke (who himself hasn't been funny since the year I was born.)

- Another glibertarian: tolerates the hypocritical, finger-wagging scolds among his fellow travelers for the sake of political expediency, but likes his controlled substances and what he thinks passes for humor (and it does, among the knuckledraggers with whom he canoodles.) Just wishes all the niggers except for Alan Keyes would go away.

- An example of his rakish, cocked-elbow, Buckley-eyebrowed humor: "The Women's Caucus. Imagine me in a roomful of liberal women, some of them possibly heterosexual. Frightening." Analysis: any humor contained therein is purely unintentional -- frightened of possibly heterosexual women? I'm shocked, really. Of course, he meant "BWA-HA-HA LIBERAL DEMONCRAT WOMEN ARE BIG BULLDYKES HAHAHA" -- but then, what is he, a sophisticate, or a Delphi Forums troglodyte? Then again I often find myself more comfortable around lesbians, but I'm a huge faggot.

- "Stacy"? How unfortunate. My condolences.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 7:33 AM | Permalink | 2 be jibber-jabberin'

Lucy Caboose Is My New Drag Name

Ore : 8:52 AM

1. Fucking Outside Lands music fest. All those drunk trust fund bitches gumming up the works on MUNI. I had to walk home from fucking North Beach. NORTH BEACH, GODDAMMIT!

2. Why is it that whenever somebody wants to cat-call "FAGGOT!" it's always a) a guy and b) from inside a piece of shit car?

3. Shout-out to my homie AG, showin' me love on Facecrack!

4. Turns out I'm an amazing cook. I never have a miss -- just ask my friends.

5. My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble. Hey now, hey now, my boyfriend's back.

6. He said he brought me back a souvenir from Montreal. Probably it's a raging case of gonorrhea.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 8:52 AM | Permalink | 8 be jibber-jabberin'

Rip Heath

Ore : 9:59 AM

And let's move on. I'm thinking about casting for the third Batman movie, just because this one was so good.

Obviously, we've got Christian Bale as the Batman and "Alfie" as Alfred Pennywise. My picks for future roles:

The Riddler: John Leguizamo
The Penguin: (I like Tracey Morgan in a fatsuit for this one, but am not committed.)
Poison Ivy/Pamela Isley: Anne Hathaway
Harley Quinn: Azura Skye
Catwoman: Lucy Liu
Robin/Nightwing: (Tough one. They ought to go ahead and make him an out-and-out homo; can anyone think of a non-irritating, youngish gay guy? 'Coz I sure as fuck can't.)
Mr. Freeze: Vin Diesel
Vicki Vale: Sarah Michelle Gellar
Batgirl: Chieko Kuriyama (but the girl needs to learn English first.)
Lorna Shore: Emily Mortimer

What do you other nerds and geeks think?

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posted by teh l4m3 at 9:59 AM | Permalink | 10 be jibber-jabberin'

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