Bottles And Cans, Just Clap Your Hands...

Ore : 10:16 AM

The eighth graders at the library have sharper tongues than my current crackhead clientele. The office politics at my last non-profit job were far more sickening. The patrons were rougher at the old redneck watering hole. But it's hard to think of a job I've had that's more humbling. Not because it's mucky and gross, but because physically it's so damn demanding. At the end of the day, you're not clever or witty -- you're covered in filth, every muscle aches, your brain is fried, and your feet want to die a crying death. You sit unsteadily on the back stairs, enjoying a rare cigarette. The fog descends from behind Sutro Tower. The trumpet flowers wave in the cool evening breeze. 800 yards to your right, the enormous and charmingly homely rainbow flag at the corner of Castro and Market ripples and flaps. There is no internal commentary, no itch to do anything but just sit there and exist.

* * *

The job provides moments of satisfaction: you're doing good, necessary work. You get to thumb your nose at NIMBYish neighbors simply by existing. And the work makes you strong -- very strong. No need to go to the gym. The gay boys and girls are impressed with your wood-hard forearms, and the straight guys treat you with a measure of deference. An interesting sort of prestige wholly different from the library thing.

* * *

An aside to elitist gays: buying recycling is not 'trashy.' Trashy is double-carding visitors to the Midnight Sun because they're not white males. Trashy is sneering at the poor queer trannies who hang out at LYRIC even as you buy meth and other club drugs from their abusive, paroled boyfriends. Trashy is being able to have sustained conversations about nothing other than nutritional supplements and reps. My job is grimy and dirty, but it is not trashy - it's actually quite honest.

Just a distinction I'd like some to observe...

* * *

So yeah, it's a shit job. But then again, aren't they all?

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posted by teh l4m3 at 10:16 AM | Permalink | 9 be jibber-jabberin'

I Wish That I Had Jessie's Girl

Ore : 11:58 AM

Laci Fucking Petersen. Again.

Although it's nice to see CNN paying as much attention to that 50 year-old migrant worker who went missing...

And really, who besides Madonna steals black babies?

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posted by teh l4m3 at 11:58 AM | Permalink | 8 be jibber-jabberin'

Dedicated To Bobby Lightfoot, No Idea Why...

Ore : 8:12 PM

And there she is. She waves and smiles, and her twin dirigibles -- ballast bags, really -- jiggle.

What is her name? Trista? Amanda? Khylee? Whatever: she's Fred Thompson's wife, a perfect second or third for a Republican candidate who looks like Uncle Fester gone to 8-balls and speed bumps.

She's just one of those: black roots. Girls these days apparently can't afford colorists. Or drivers, for that matter; these bitches are always getting DUIs.

I think I'll wait for her to pop up one day next to Heidi Collins's empty, giggling head, as she is folded into a squad car, her delicate wrists clutched in what are for once not pink fur-covered handcuffs. She will bend awkwardly, built as she is like a fiberglass shithouse, and hear the door snap shut. Her make-up askew, the valencia ruffles of her off-the-rack Cavalli confection-cum-sausage casing will flutter briefly in an arid, rose-gold El Lay breeze as she enters.

And then it's all gone.


posted by teh l4m3 at 8:12 PM | Permalink | 8 be jibber-jabberin'

Fagsandcrisco, CA

Ore : 8:50 AM

Yes, I'm back in the Shitty. Stressful move. My dogs are barking.

I'm kind of at a loss for an update -- anti-trans violence? Dick Cheney's latest outrageousness? A funny anal sex story? Whatever, I'll figure something out.

Start the new job Monday.


posted by teh l4m3 at 8:50 AM | Permalink | 14 be jibber-jabberin'

Week In Reviewish

Ore : 9:11 AM

The immigration bill: Thank the invisible hand that it failed. Though it leaves a bad taste in my mouth -- you know, having to rely on the nativist/racist vote to defeat it, still... That atrocious guest worker program was nothing less than an attempt to reinstitutionalize slavery in the United States. Evil, vile, unworthy of us.

* * *

Jefferson: I won't get as vehement as mikey does (mainly 'cos I claim Cali), but I'll say this: the appearance of impropriety doesn't mean in the context of private life what it does when you're a public servant and elected official. He should resign just for that.

(Though I hope everyone notices, there's no equivalent of the "Free Scooter Libby" movement on the Left. Same thing happened with Traficant: did he commit a crime? Fine, let's step back, let justice take it's course, and if he's done wrong, let him go. That said, if Jefferson's byline on CNN had an (R), this wouldn't even have been a news story.)

* * *

I call a moratorium on the John Edwards Haircutgate/primping, "I feel pretty" "scandal". Look:

What do you have to say to that, Candy Crowley, Maureen Dowd, Wolf Blitzer?

* * *

Who the fuck is Paris Hilton, and why the fuck hasn't anyone thrown her under a bus already? Oh, right, because doing so would foster even more cable news coverage...

* * *

So far Edwards is in my number 1 spot, mainly because he talks about poverty -- no one else is doing that. Still, Obama has no red marks on his record with regards to Iraq. As for Clinton: way too centrist-corporatist-DLC for me; thanks, but I'll pass.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 9:11 AM | Permalink | 5 be jibber-jabberin'

I Stole This From The Internet

Ore : 2:11 PM

Now that's what I call one lucky couch!

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posted by teh l4m3 at 2:11 PM | Permalink | 5 be jibber-jabberin'

"Mr. President...

Ore : 7:45 PM

...We've lost Michelle Malkin."

...Sounds like our favorite spittle-flecked spitfire could use a

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posted by teh l4m3 at 7:45 PM | Permalink | 3 be jibber-jabberin'

This Is It

Ore : 12:20 AM

It's a balancing act. They want me to start two days prior to the final date I've given my boss, the county librarian. Will she be angry? Will she hassle me, and give me guilt trips?


She's sad, and she doesn't want me to go. She's sad and frustrated, and is at a loss to find someone to replace me, but she puts a good face on it: "You need more money, and you need a dentist's appointment. I don't blame you one bit. Bless your heart."

No, bless your heart.


"I waited for thirty minutes, but you didn't show up."

"Oh, I was here. I was doing filing and stuff."

"But you didn't open the door."

"Well I wasn't open that day."

"Is it true you're going to leave?"


"But why?"

"Because, Patty, I found a new job, and they want me to start next week."

"Well I'm going to be sad. I love you."

"I love you too, Patty."


"What do you mean you're leaving? Do you know how sad this has made Patty?"

"Yes, I know."

"So why?"

"More money, benefits, you know..."

"No, I don't know. Why won't the county pay you full-time? This is really fucked up. I'm calling your boss."


"So you're leaving."


"Good. You're mean."

"Wait til you meet the new guy."

"What's the new guy like?"

"Mean. He's a substitute teacher. And he knows Spanish. He'll call you on your shit."



"I'm glad you're leaving."

"And I'm glad you're banned for the summer, bitch."


"Well I'm happy for you that you've got this new job with all these benefits and stuff... But what about my granddaughters? They adore you!"

"Any reference questions they better get in now, 'cos I'll be gone next week..."


posted by teh l4m3 at 12:20 AM | Permalink | 7 be jibber-jabberin'

The Kind Of Shit He's Facing

Ore : 1:25 PM

So in the last post I showed you utter, no-holds-barred HOTNESS!

Exhibit A...
...And Exhibit B -- We the jury find the defendant skillet-licking hottt!

In this post, I'll show you some screenshots from you-know-who to give you an idea of the kind of good and wholesome, patriotic citizens he's up against...

End welfare now? Whatever you say, Bub! I mean, who isn't tired of those Negro ladies in their taxpayer-bought Cadillacs???

Yes, and wouldn't you know it, the funny business involves guys in black helicopters. To put a finer point on it, they wear blue helmets!!!

I've got a lot of absurd and ignorant bullshit about what the military can do to civilians; it's all ground into my carpet. Thank God I've emptied my Harry Reid. Now I can vacuum!

Somehow, AlaskaErik, I doubt the VA would ever do anything about your particular kind of discharge...

So should you, stuartcr. Oh, wait...

I think it's safe to assume said guys won't include MeanWestTexan AKA Yosemite Samchickenshitinanonlineforum.

I guess it doesn't. Unless, that is, you're Charles Whitman.

And yeah, so there was a hole in the onion-shaped thingie... BUT THE MOSQUE IS STILL STANDING. EAT IT AP!!!

...You get the idea.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 1:25 PM | Permalink | 8 be jibber-jabberin'

I Should Have Held Off On This...

Ore : 9:10 AM

...Mainly because I needed to bleg of you guys for my own sake (I'm moving next week), but this is too important.

Total cutie pie in danger -- RED ALERT!!!!

Adam Kokesh needs your help. Not because he's extremely beautiful (he is, of course) but because not only did he fight in Iraq, and not only because he's now fighting for himself, but because he is ultimately fighting for our Constitutionally enumerated rights. What he is doing is for all of us. The least we can do is support him.

I figure his lawyers have several easy defenses, but what do I know? Anyway, the Marine Corps have already backed down a bit. We just need to do what we can to help his defense team make them back down so far that they'll want to crawl under a rock.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 9:10 AM | Permalink | 1 be jibber-jabberin'

Related To Yesterday...

Ore : 2:02 PM

But this is wang-free (I'm all about non-proliferation baby): Today AP, via Yahoo! give us "Bush opens Europe trip on jarring note," apparently by Terence Huntforthemostimportantpoint, AP White House Correspondent. To wit:

In a diplomatic poke in the eye [through which one purportedly may see souls] at Putin, Bush bracketed the summit with stops in the Czech Republic and Poland — the two countries where the United States wants to build a missile defense system for Europe.
My $64,000 question: Has anyone asked European countries what they want?

Bonus points if you can guess how many snarling threats Cheney fits into his phone calls to Polish and Czech leaders.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 2:02 PM | Permalink | 2 be jibber-jabberin'

Fixing Teh IntarWebz

Ore : 1:33 PM

Cold war kids...
...Whip it out!

There. All better.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 1:33 PM | Permalink | 5 be jibber-jabberin'

Fucking Fuckity Fuck

Ore : 7:38 AM

Bye, Steve.

Now who's going to help me pick on Michelle?


posted by teh l4m3 at 7:38 AM | Permalink | 3 be jibber-jabberin'

"You're Hired!"

Ore : 9:57 AM


More to follow...


posted by teh l4m3 at 9:57 AM | Permalink | 7 be jibber-jabberin'

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