Dedicated To Bobby Lightfoot, No Idea Why...

6.18.2007
Ore : 8:12 PM


And there she is. She waves and smiles, and her twin dirigibles -- ballast bags, really -- jiggle.

What is her name? Trista? Amanda? Khylee? Whatever: she's Fred Thompson's wife, a perfect second or third for a Republican candidate who looks like Uncle Fester gone to 8-balls and speed bumps.

She's just one of those: black roots. Girls these days apparently can't afford colorists. Or drivers, for that matter; these bitches are always getting DUIs.

I think I'll wait for her to pop up one day next to Heidi Collins's empty, giggling head, as she is folded into a squad car, her delicate wrists clutched in what are for once not pink fur-covered handcuffs. She will bend awkwardly, built as she is like a fiberglass shithouse, and hear the door snap shut. Her make-up askew, the valencia ruffles of her off-the-rack Cavalli confection-cum-sausage casing will flutter briefly in an arid, rose-gold El Lay breeze as she enters.

And then it's all gone.

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posted by teh l4m3 at 8:12 PM | Permalink |

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Comments for Dedicated To Bobby Lightfoot, No Idea Why...
I'd do her...

What are the odds we'd have two consecutive First Ladies with twins?

Why are you attacking her? It's kind of sexist. He's the pervie pig for shopping in the junior miss section!
  • Posted at 7:59 PM | By Anonymous Anonymous

I think we can all be comfortable knowing that if he wins, she won't bother us with some crazy Hitlery ideas about universal health care.

LOL at Otto. Are her twins adopted or did she have them naturally?

I try not to get too insulting about age differences in spouses. I have friends who have more than a decade between them who are happily married. So I will give the Thompsons the benefit of the doubt. But that doesn't change that he is an ugly cobag.

Good thing he is as bad a candidate as an actor.

Those lapels are dreadful. He looks like a lavatory attendant. 'Towel, sir? Maybe a complimentary mint?'

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