ARE OUR SUBWAYS SAFE? SADLY, NYET!

Breaking news! Terrorist plot uncovered to plant biological weapons on the NY subway! Press conference soon to be on-air at CNN. Called "The Mother of All Destroyers," or NAMBLA, symptoms from exposure to pathogen can include nausea, vomiting, reddened vision, and an urge to join the Belmont Club.

A partial list of the ingredients used to create this horrible weapon includes:

1 thing of cookie dough from the store

8 oz. Cream Cheese

Sugar

Chocolate pudding mix

Half and half

16 oz. Gelatinous Death (tm) brand goop

The FBI promises to "take this bitch down."