ARE OUR SUBWAYS SAFE? SADLY, NYET!
Breaking news! Terrorist plot uncovered to plant biological weapons on the NY subway! Press conference soon to be on-air at CNN. Called "The Mother of All Destroyers," or NAMBLA, symptoms from exposure to pathogen can include nausea, vomiting, reddened vision, and an urge to join the Belmont Club.
A partial list of the ingredients used to create this horrible weapon includes:
1 thing of cookie dough from the store
8 oz. Cream Cheese
Chocolate pudding mix
Half and half
16 oz. Gelatinous Death (tm) brand goop
The FBI promises to "take this bitch down."