Happy Holidays, Eastern Bloc Style

12.10.2005
Ore : 8:47 PM

One morning, as I was waking up from anxious dreams, I discovered by my Christmas tree a monstrous verminous bug. I could barely contain the trembling brought on by unmitigated terror long enough to sidle towards the fireplace and secure a firm grip on the handle of the brass poker.

The chittering, clacking behemoth turned its entire broad body towards me, frantically waving its long antennae. "Oh, no! You mustn't be alarmed! It's just me, old
Gregor Samsa, here to bring you wonderful gifts for your library!"



Somewhat mollified, I released my hold on the implement and took a tentative step closer. "Is that so? Well thank you, mighty cockroach. That is very kind."

"You're welcome!" The beast seemed to relax, and headed towards the kitchen. I followed him.

"Wonderful things, I tell you," he continued, as he poured himself a coffee cut with Bailey's. "There are films -- beautiful films! -- of a large yellow bird visiting far China, of a kindly spider (can you believe it?) weaving a web that saves her porcine friend's life, of -- AHHHH!!! Ack, ack, cough, cough..."

The aerosol can felt as though it was floating in my hand. It was empty.

The creature's voice became tiny now, cracked and shaky. "Raid...why...?"

I shrugged, and grabbed the broom. "Sorry. Habit."

posted by teh l4m3 at 8:47 PM | Permalink |

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Comments for Happy Holidays, Eastern Bloc Style
Ah, the fable of teh and the Christmas Roach, so much more accurate than the frog and the scorpion. Updated for uour braindead youth!

Such a touching story! :)

Aw that's so sweet!

RAID!!!

Kidding: I heart Gregor!

What makes this extra funny (to me) is that I've been down with the stomach flu for the past couple of days ....beginning right about the time of the alleged Raid attack! Freaky! No?!

My hoodoo is strong, scrabbling one.

Hmm, sounds to me like another attack on 3B!

Teh, you are either with 3B! or you are against us!

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