"DEATH TO AMERICA! ...You say you want a Push-Pop?"

4.25.2006
Ore : 7:32 AM

I know a thing or two about Lodi. That is to say, it's depressingly much like Manteca or Elk Grove or any number of flat, sad Central Valley rural/ex-urban/suburban enclaves. Lodi is uninspiring; it is, snake-handlers and bicycling JWs notwithstanding, spiritually anemic; it is culturally and economically thin and hollow. Its prospects for young people are limited to whatever they can take from there in the manner of scraping the bottom of a dumpster before heading for lands of decidedly more promise.

Predictably, Lodi's (like many other towns') not-so-bright and poor and not-terrifically balanced and (key here) stuck-with-no-way-out youngsters will reach out and grab at whatever they think might give their lives sorely needed meaning -- and if that which is reached for appalls the parental units, so much the better. Bonus points if they can claim an affinity based on religion or ethnicity or culture. Hence so many white kids embracing White Power or juggaloism or membership in the Young Republicans; hence so many latino kids holding in awe los norteños.

It's really not that shocking that a young Lodi man of Middle Eastern descent would grow starry-eyed and insufferably romantic and moony at the lure of jihad and radical fundamentalist Islam. What's shocking is that America has produced so few of these precious little angels -- a testament to how much better we've been than, say, the French at welcoming Persians and Arabs and North Africans et alia. It's proof of what's right with America.

At any rate, poor judgement and shady entanglements, while understandable in youth, are still inexcusable: if this boy was indeed providing support to terrorists, he must pay for his choices as the law demands.

But what to make of the father? Doubtless Michelle Malkin wants him drawn and quartered -- I'd be shocked if she didn't want to string out the entrails with her own glossy talons. However, let's push the racist nutballs of the right aside, and just concentrate on the more reasonable among conservatives, many of whom I've noticed in other cases like to argue for the one-size-fits-all approach to the law (whether you kill a man for his wallet or for being queer, it's the same thing). With these people I would once again argue that intent and context mean everything.

If the intent of Umer Hayat (a middle-aged ice cream truck driver, for crying out loud) was to deceive the Great Satan's FBI so that his li'l martyr might go about terrorizin' and evil-doin' undetected, then yes, he deserves a majorly harsh sentence.

Of course, those of us in Notinsaneistan might opt for the likelier explanation: a hurt, confused, and loving (if ultimately mistaken) father lies, out of desperation and loyalty, on behalf of his son. His big boo-boo was that he lied to the FBI, and what's worse, while being Muslim in Bush's Uhmurrka. If this is the case, come on, let the guy go with a slap on the wrist. 16 years in an orange jumpsuit, sitting down gingerly lest you chaff those cigarette burns on your ass, watching contractors create naked cheerleading pyramids with your fellow inmates is just too fucking much. I do hope sense reigns among this jury.

And if the father does get interned or renditioned, and we find out years later that he was representative of a huge percentage of the men and women disappeared by the Abu Gonzales doctrine, I mean, fuck...

I mean, shit, dude. Lodi.

posted by teh l4m3 at 7:32 AM | Permalink |

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Comments for "DEATH TO AMERICA! ...You say you want a Push-Pop?"
That town's so bad that Creedence Clearwater Revival even made a song about it. Sheesh.

I've always wondered if they were talking about Lodi, CA or the one in Missouri.

At least Lodi has some great vines.

cant believe he got a jury trial, Gonzo must be running out of secret rooms.

Umer Hayat may end up stuck in Atwater.

I ran out of gas there once and this dude gave me a ride and i reached in my pocket for a cig and he thought I was pullin' heat and next thing I knew he had one hand on the steering wheel and one holding a 9 mm to my ear. It fucking rocked.

Didn't The Bionic Woman live in Lodi? Wait...maybe it was Ojai. I can't remember, but if she lived there it can't be all bad.

If you can't train in Afghanistan, Lodi would probably be your next choice.

Bobby, that sounds a lot like the opening scene in Showgirls.

bobby: awesome.

What's shocking is that America has produced so few of these precious little angels -- a testament to how much better we've been than, say, the French at welcoming Persians and Arabs and North Africans et alia. It's proof of what's right with America.

say: melting pot

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