Ore : 12:23 PM

Last night, part of my dream was, Jeneane Garofalo (complete with Reality Bites hair, but in a cat-burglar suit) and I occupied a Mad Max-ish apocalyptic future. We were trying to steal a Caterpillar plow, but we had to be faster than a pair of guys who looked suspiciously like Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller...

* * *

It occured to me a while back: Conservatives are correct in that theoretically, the call of "state's rights" can be a perfectly legitimate predicate from which to make many political arguments -- it is an inherently honest position. Unfortunately, it's never been used that way. It's only ever been used as a cover for perverse injustice. Your state doesn't want Diebold?
Too bad. Does your state have strict laws regarding food labelling? Can't enforce 'em. Does your state want to legalize medical marijuana? As if. Does your state issue marriage licenses to teh gayz? Not if Bush has his way! The list goes on and on. Again, states' rights as a position to work from when formulating laws and advocating policy is perfectly reasonable, but in practice has only ever been used to fuck over the poor, fuck over gays, fuck over women, and fuck over racial and ethnic minorities. Of course, if there are examples of where I'm inarguably wrong, I'll concede the individual points.

* * *

WHY???? Stupid, cruel, post-age-26 metabolism... To be sure, I have a body type that lends itself to gaining fat kinda easily. But I gain muscle mass with just a little less ease (that is to say, by putting in less effort than most have to). And I have rather good food habits -- plenty of veggies, lean(ish) meat, sensible portions, blah-di-blah-blah -- no eating "problems" (not a grief eater, never eat past when I'm full...) Anyway, I'm finding it's more difficult to get rid of my post-Winter gut than it used to be. I've been at these stupid incline sit-ups and other core exercises (not to mention my usual pull-ups and push-ups) for almost two weeks!!! And I've lost only 1"+ off my tummy! ARGHHHH!!!


* * *

You know, I would love to run into
Vestal Vespa (+1, I assume) during the last weekend of April for a night of drunken debauchery... drop me a line, chica!

* * *

OMG I just saw the most ginormous woman out the window. She was in a Rascal or one of those crazy Annette Funicello zoomy things for fat people and cripples. At first I thought it was two people in a weird embrace, then I looked closer, and saw it was one human being! How bizarre!

posted by teh l4m3 at 12:23 PM | Permalink |

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Comments for Schtuff
Busting up about that last part: )

Dude. You hafta do cardio and really cut back on the fats and simple sugars.

Dude, she's gonna read this and get so depressed that she gonna commit suicide. Way to go.

Since Pinko won't be in town, we can actually engage in some serious drinking. I look forward to seeing where exactly I get ditched.

I'm spending the next two weeks getting up enough tolerance to avoid embarrassing myself.

Laying off the beer works for me...but...

Two weeks may be too soon to see results.

Have you tried doing your core workout on a stability ball?

tw: ;)

smarty: you have no idea! no chocolate, no sugar in my oatmeal, grilled meat, etc. & so forth. I'm being careful!

That said, you're right about the cardio... I could stand to do some jump rope.

nöff: Dude, I don't think she can read. Like she obviously couldn't read the label on the butter which listed the fat content -- she just stuffed stick after stick in her maw. Obviously.

fulsome: ehhhh-xcellent. Don't worry, I probably won't ditch you until it's time to hit the Hole In The Wall...

elmo: two months without any liquor!

jeremias: I know I'm being impatient. As for the stability ball, what a marvelous idea. THNX!

I had that same dream!

We're like twins!

It has to be the cardio then.

I'm very bored tonight, Teh.

Dangerously bored.

OMG I just saw the most ginormous woman out the window. She was in a Rascal or one of those crazy Annette Funicello zoomy things for fat people and cripples.

That's totally my life goal. Get big enough to go on disability, collect them fat checks and ride around in a little scooter. Schweet.

george: do you look like owen wilson by any chance???

smarty: uh-oh. that's never a good thing.

ron: i'll give you sponge baths and fetch your reaching stick.

Ooh, the Spring teh is totally different than the winter teh i met.

Are you sure you cant move your birthday?

"Ooh, the Spring teh is totally different than the winter teh i met."


I know I'm far less presentable on paper, but still...

"Are you sure you cant move your birthday?"

NON! But I am coming down again in July.

teh, you come to Boston and I will drink your ass under the table.

i'll make sure vv brings along a copy of my newest book, "cookin' with christ: a passion for food."

i'll even sign it.

Stupid, cruel, post-age-26 metabolism ...

Okay, so does this mean you're 27? In that case, you're still a young'un, teh.

ag: sure, just as soon as that lottery check clears. Ha!

Dex: awesome!

assparrot: post-26 does not automatically mean 27.

age 26, IIRC correctly, is when your metabolism starts slowing down and you start truly aging. It's all downhill from there...

Okay, that clears that up. And your age still remains a mystery!

Drunken debauchery?! I'm so there.

I'll be in SF from 4/20 (heh heh) through 4/24. I have never been to the city by the bay before, so you'll have to pick a place!


OMG I just saw the most ginormous woman out the window.

Did she wear a party hat? Was she a retarded who said "blarrgh"?

teh, you come to barfansas and I'll totally drink your ass under the tractor. er, porch swing. no, saw mill. nah, the moonshine still. that's it. christ, someone get me out of here.

VV: Oh snap! Waaah! The earliest I can make it down is the 29th. So close! I THOUGHT WE COULD HANG! This sucks.

RETARDO: what did the butter troll say to teh l4m3 before ARGHH BLARGHHH! STOP EATING MY THIGH, BUTTER TROLL. Ah, it is a mystery.

I mean the mystery enshrouded, slightly squishy lumberjack emerges from his double wide cocoon, a clean shaven man-hoss looking for love in all the wrong places. This is the Spring teh. The winter teh canoodles with Spotted Owls and carves poetry on wheat grains while seducing the UPS guy.

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