Thanks, But I'd Rather Breathe Cyanide

2.09.2006
Ore : 9:29 AM

It begins: a slow, wrought-iron pretty arpeggio played in the full, rounded notes of a high-quality baby grand. The tiny lipsmack, the breathy, quavering. slightly slavering contralto. The introspective, angsty girl lyrics.

Uh-oh, Tori's come full circle, releasing a Little Earthquake-style single. Ah well, it had to happen sometime.

But wait, the player IDs the artist as
Sia.

I'm suddenly dragged back to the benighted early/mid-90s, when, faggoty little Toriphile that I was, I couldn't stand those ninnies with the dyed-red hair and crushed velour pants, pounding the ivories inexpertly and screeching their way to a dick-free lovelife. I hated them so much I felt sorry for them. I was glad when that phase seemed to have passed; I figured they'd all got a new schtick, or spun out of sight into Rainbow Gathering oblivion. Or, you know, grew up.

But apparently, some survived. Now we've got Sia. Lucky us.

Fucking fairies. Fairies and mescaline loopiness and rape. Can't forget the rape.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Sia, we have Tori exactly where we want her. And if she comes out with another album, we'll give it a gander. We may even praise some of the new material. But you? You need to stop it -- right the fuck now. You're hurting America.


Fucking twee, bitch-ass fairies. Fuck.

posted by teh l4m3 at 9:29 AM | Permalink |

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Comments for Thanks, But I'd Rather Breathe Cyanide
okay, you have hit a nerve here - I FUCKING HATE TORI AMOS.

and, like you, "I couldn't stand those ninnies with the dyed-red hair and crushed velour pants, pounding the ivories inexpertly and screeching their way to a dick-free lovelife."

tori was bad enough, copycat tori-lite makes me want to KILL. MAIM. and i'm a stoner, for fuck's sake.

I lurve Tori. Although, I did find the material on "The Beekeeper" to be almost hyper-feminine and therefore difficult to get into. (Yes, this coming from a fag whose blogger handle is madamerouge.)

I have not heard of this sida (oops, sia) person.

Give me peace, love, and a hard cock. - Tori Amos, "Professional Widow"

Yeah. Not a fan of Tori. Never got into the Lillith crowd either.

I was more into Stone Temple Pilots in those days. Probably because I wanted Scott Weiland. Badly.

the whole lilith thing was so lukewarm it was tepid. and FUCK sarah mcwhatever.

i am as straight as an arrow, but scott weiland, once he got away from that first album look, is fucking hot. he looks FANTASTIC now. just goes to show how great drugs can be.

"(Yes, this coming from a fag whose blogger handle is madamerouge.)"

this, my friends, is brilliance. bask in its glory.

I don't understand

Sia is part of Zero 7 and is there on the strength of her voice. She still has no clue about music so I say give her a few years to find a voice and there is hope yet. Also, Four Tet did a decent remix of the song (definitely not available here) is pretty cool; mainly because she pretty much stripped out the whole piano part but kept the "breathy, quavering. slightly slavering contralto" that I do like.

cibheea - The sound of Drunken Bush trying to say the name of our next bombing target.

fulsome, you are too kind by half.

Oh, and Scott Weiland is a hideous greasy crackhead. Always has been, always will be. And like any good Nirvana/Soundgarden geek, I hated -- hated -- Stone Temple Pilots.

i am totally anti-soundgarden, and have a soft spot for most nirvana. i hate stp (save one or 2 songs, "sour girl" natch). weiland, however, has that druggy look that i've always liked.

Sour Girl. Loved it.

I loved Nirvana and Soundgarden.

And Ministry and Concrete Blonde.

But, I lusted for Scott and I think I still do.

Rock star.

ministry i loved in their "every day is halloween" era - in fact i listen to that song probably once a week.

concrete blonde i never really listened to very much so i never "got into them", but johnette's voice is amazing. "caroline" is a genius song - has all the elements i love in a pop song.

only thing good about soundgarden was chris cornell's looks.

first time i played seattle was a place called the offramp. the night before the gig our host showed me a bootleg of nirvana playing the offramp about 5 years previous. i thought that was cool.

That is a huge burger.

Bono is Brian Peppers!

Oh, and Scott Weiland is a hideous greasy crackhead. Always has been, always will be. And like any good Nirvana/Soundgarden geek, I hated -- hated -- Stone Temple Pilots.

Preach it.

Here is the naysayer thread killer:

STP's album "Tiny music..." is a great radio rock album. period. "Trippin on a..." is a great song, as much as you want to hate them. Get over your junior high predilections.

Tori Amos can have some good moments:

Caught a Light Sneeze, Cornflake Girl, God, Talulah, especially the first 3 seconds. FUCKING KILLER. Goddamn, I don't like her, but that is where she just HAS it going on.

As cheesy as you think Soundgarden is, as cheesy as they actually were, Outshined is a slab of radio awesome. He's a screechy MF and I would want all copies of Temple of the Dog melted down for no reason, even is that melting would contribute to global warming.

And teh wants Chris to sing "Show me how to live" while teh shows him with an anatomically correct talking model of teh that is actually teh.

make that seconds 10-19 of Talula where you still think it might turn into a psycho techno remix.

Okay, you caught me. I wanted to do Chris Cornell. THese days, though, I prefer Tim Commerford.

Concrete Blonde.

So here is my confession. First CD I ever bought. I have both CB cds on my computer at work. They remind of those happy days in my youth when I shat out Altoids.

cuz I was bitter, see?

teh - I am soft on Sia because a co-worker likes her and so I have been trying to rationalize it. Also, Ihad to figure out who she was and there was this interview where she basically said the Zero 7 people were actually teaching her ab out music. So I guess I hope but I probably shouldn't and mostly just wanted to pimp Four Tet because I love her.

I own zero Tori Amos albums, but i did see her paly at Smith College about 10 years ago, and I would pay to see her again in the right arena.

I 100% agree about Sia. Starts promising, keeps promising, never delivers, steals your wallet.

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