Hey Wanna See My LiveJournal Impression?

3.09.2006
Ore : 2:06 PM

I don't belong.

- I should have a goatee.

- I should wear pleated Dockers and a cell-phone case on my woven belt.

- I should be 40 lbs. heavier around the middle.

- I should offer up an unctuous and ostentatious grace before a communal meal shared with my coworkers, because everyone should understand how much more Christian I am than they are.

- I should insist my wife never wear pants, only skirts and dresses -- even when she's just homeschooling our two tow-headed little sons.

- I should wear my Promise Keepers t-shirt to company bar-b-ques.

- I should talk loudly for the sake of anyone within earshot about my lastest trip to Chico/Sacramento/San Francisco, so I can impress them with my cosmopolitanishness. Ideally I should also be able to work into the anecdote a subtle fag or darkie joke.

- I should condescend to my female coworkers.

- I should drive a Dodge pick-up, as a hemi is the coolest thing ever. And the truck should have an a combination bunting/yellow-ribbon magnet, a Calvin praying sticker, and a "W '04" decal.

- I should listen to alternative Christian rock.

- I should look down on small-town rubes and big-city freaks with equal disdain.

- I should read the latest issue from my subscription to The National Review as conspicuously as possible.

- I should pressure the schoolboard to accept Of Pandas and People as a science textbook.

- I should complain loudly to the homeowner's association about the guy down the block who still has up his Kerry/Edwards banner. What an eyesore! Get over it already!

- I should, whenever ordering fast food, emphasize that I want a Biggie Size Freedom Fries.

- I should start watching NASCAR even though I hate it.

- I should actually read The Conscience of a Conservative (at least, if I'm gonna keep quoting it).

I should, but I don't. I don't belong. Waaaah.

SOUNDTRACK: Trapt.

MOOD: Ever so emo. lol.

posted by teh l4m3 at 2:06 PM | Permalink |

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Comments for Hey Wanna See My LiveJournal Impression?
You should watch this, and don't laugh, he's serious.

And you should smoke up and not get high. Do I have to do everything here?

:) Cute, very cute!

this is genius.

:) I love CnL

R2K

YOu are a riot!

That's some funny shit, bro!

I'm buying your podunk liberry a book next payday.

Liberries, you know, are maintained by Liberians.

elmo: I'm laughing to dull the pain.

AG: [tips hat]

pr: so are you mwah

Alex: I'm shocked

Spinning G: thank you!

Mistah Larson: THANK YOU!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!

I had to Google both LiveJournal and Trapt.

wordverif: askhr

Okay, I will. And I'm going to make an off-colour joke while I'm there.

The U.S. needs more people like you. I am still freaking out about South Dakota.

Are you mocking me???????!!11

join my cult.

teh. where did that come from?

not that it isn't an accurate portrayal but damn.

well played.

and MR... where were you in the year 2002? not online for sure. back then, when i was on the yahoo chat circuit, that's what everyone would link to. most of it is really disgusting. and not in a kitsch kind of way, but like toe jam. one big online circlejerk, and more importantly, one that NO ONE CARED TO INVITE ME TO!!!


angsdoz: no-doz for teenage angst

TRAPT SUCKS!
That's funny.

You've really mastered a skill there, Teh.

Trapt blows.

Is Chico cosmopolitan?

Pepper: a) I know. b) no.

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