Articles Domestiques

Ore : 4:55 PM

* It saddens me that children love me and yet I still react to them the way most people react to scorpions. That said, I'm proud that I've become as personable as I have as a librarian. I was glad today to play with one patron's kids as she dicked around online. Her daughter was way sweet, if too huggy for my liking. Were it not for her older (oddly awestruck -- must've been the oh-so-professional-looking cardigan) brother saving my ass now and again so I could continue to shelve books and process applications, I would have thrown her bony little Injun ass out the window. Whew.

Powercop allows you to train your kids to more peacefully accept the yoke of fascism when they grow up.

* I will stop eating cheap-ass Valentine's cookies as soon as I can no longer see my own penis.

* This is drunk blogging. Learn to cope.

* Goddamn I need dick. Like seriously. I need a man. I don't care what he looks like, I don't care how much he loves pussy on the side, so long as he's hard and kinda hairy and willing to do just about anything. He can be bald, hair on his back, fugly, warty, stupid, I don't fucking care. Fuck I'm horny. And as a thoughtful, versatile cornholer, I'd be just as happy to have a guy lay pipe in me as I would be to fuck him up the butt.

* I keep running into these girls I went to high school with, but who now have different last names, and I never catch their last names, so I can't catch up with them at my leisure until I run into them again... It really sucks.

* Hey, how would you guys like for me to recount in detail the day I lost my virginity? Mind you, it would be very gay porny and might upset some of the straight boys in the audience; I was fifteen and the deflowerer was a 32 year-old grease monkey... Want more? Say yes in the comments.

* Are you high? Why the fuck are you high? Have some water... This is a professional fucking operation, bitch. You really need to tone it down. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HIGH???

* What,
Troy, am I a friggin' leper or what? I sent you some sweet ass porn, and I can't get even one single solitary "thank you"?

* Did you know that we West-coasters (Washingtonians, Oregonians and Californians) have a distinctive dialect? And that Japanese folk absolutely adore it? They talk major shit about Englishmen and Scotsmen and Italians and Germans and Australians and American East Coasters and Southerners, and think that we have majorly lovely, soft, kind accents? It's true.

* When world affairs get to be too much to handle, and my brain threatens to rebel against me with a heinous aneurysm or some such, I just turn to Alex, and his visage takes me away like Calgon.

Ahhh... Alexandre
* Based on production and ability and artistic merit alone, I would judge The National as being this month's most fuckable band. And by that I mean all at once -- none of this one-at-a-time-take-your-turn shit.
* Sparky moves through every second of her waking life as though she's done something bad and will any minute be punished for it. My take? She was born and raised in a violently abusive household. Poor girl. And yes, I feel bad for drinking right now, as though I'm going to excite her post-traumatic stress disorder tendencies. Goddamnit.
*Seriously, though, I would totally bust Michael Shepard's ass open, no matter how sucky his music is.
* Hey fulsome: I just now heard "Numb" by Sia. Okay, you're forgiven past transgressions. She really doesn't know anything about music. And in a good way: she sounds completely different in every single fucking song. Whaddup wit' dat?
* Sorry, but I'm way out of touch: Has the Velvet Underground's (now with even more Nico!!!) "Femme Fatale" been in some recent movie's soundtrack or something? Because bitch-ass Sirius 26 Left of Center (ha!) has been playing it non-stop. Unfortunately, they've been playing a really shitty recording of it, and that has been pissing me off to no end.
* Hedwig And The Angry Inch is the shit. Don't let *anyone* tell you different.
UPDATE: Troy, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. That is some kick-ass pr0n in my in-box. Honey: you and I need to hook up if your Texas ass ever ends up in the fair Republic of California..

posted by teh l4m3 at 4:55 PM | Permalink |

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Comments for Articles Domestiques
Why are you drunk at 5 in the afternoon?

Hedwig was pretty good.


Because I polesmokin' feel like it, bizzatch.

How do you like them apples? HUH???

FYI, I already put an ad out on craigslist. Let's hope I get some phat dick tonight!!

*Knock Knock*
Excuse me, sir. I have a package here for a teh l4m3 from UPS.

Yessir, that is indeed the Universal Penis Service. It says here that the contents are one phat cock and giant bolus of junk.

No sir, the contents are in no way fragile. Have at them. If you'll just sign here.

Why, yes, I do work out. Why do you ask?
  • Posted at 6:33 PM | By Anonymous Hunky Delivery Man

Ahhh... Sigh.

If only.

Seriously, tho', I really need some sweet spoutin' dick.

teh, if you got deflowered in a garage by said greasemonkey, I will be eternally jealous. But bring on the dancing horses, I say. Have at it. We are waiting with bated breath. I lost my virginity to a fat guy in a rusty Chevrolet Cavalier. But that's a whole other therapy arc away from us right now.

* This is drunk blogging. Learn to cope.

Are implying that there are people who blog while sober?

That's a frightening concept.

mr: Be eternally jealous. Do you really want me to offer it up?

GL: yes: the right-wing think-tank bloggers: suck it up.

Yes...I want to hear the story. And bitch..if you hadn't been drunk, you might have noticed that I sent you a TON of porn much earlier today.

You should put out in order to apologize.

Get drunk again and tell everybody about gettin buttfucked by the greasemonkey guy

troy: Yeah, and I was wondering how I'd work into an update (good shit, btw...) once I started my post. Ah well...

butchie: okie dokie. Tomorrow morning, I'll do it.

Right now I'm gonna whack off to the porn that troy sent me. Woo-hoo!

teh, you had better be mr. safety, or I'm gonna beat your dying ass. this isn't joking around. SAFETY FIRST,CHUMPNUGGET.

Oh, yeah, but of course... Always wear rubbers, kids, blah di blah di blah...

Read the post, fudgepot.

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