This Is HIS America!
Why yes, I did vote for the man who would put oil executives in charge of environmental protection. Why shouldn't I? My logic here is unimpeachable: who better to understand the latest techniques in evading public accountability than those who've been doing it for years? And if these men and women decide that it's in the country's best interests to remove said protections altogether, who am I to argue? If they can run multi-billion-dollar corporations that continue to post record profits quarter after quarter, surely they can run -- nay, improve -- some rickety government agency formed to oversee said corporations.
That's right. I've always been this principled and intelligent. Just the other day, I hired housecleaning guru Billy Mays to teach my children how to use their inside voices. It's all about reverse psychology, something I think I've finally got the hang of. No need for them to emulate those loud, indolent, blubbery-lipped, taxpayer-looting, baggy-pantalooned inner-city types of whom I'm always hearing hints in Peggy Noonan's columns. The children are our future, which is why I school mine at home, away from the clutches of atheist homosexual abortionists, where the law cannot ban them from reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, which I've in fact improved upon. The original simply lacked enough Godliness for my taste. Now, my precious little babies in Christ place their clean hands over their sinful-yet-forgiven hearts, and say "I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the Dominion, for which it stands, one Godly nation, under God, undeceivable, with Godliness, Jesustasticity, and freedom from God-killing Jews for all real Red-State Americans Living In Christ. Amen." They then turn from the Stars and Bars, and open their photocopies of Ken Hovind-approved lessons, and start their day.
(No, you little shits, you may not go onto MySpace. Be grateful I'm the only sexual predator you know, and that I haven't yet traded those special pictures with my fellow child-rapists among the Tubeclap County Republican Party. Back to your cages!)
Where was I? Oh, yes, national defense. While it's true that the Constitution says that President Bush is the Commander-in-Chief of only the Army and the Navy, because Mr. Bush has been such a good president and Christian, and has been treated so poorly by treasonous "Americans," he ought to be cut some slack here. We've taken white-out to the Constitution before. Sometimes you have to go above the law as it is written. Why not this time? Surely George W. Bush, our greatest president since Washington, deserves at least that much. We should make him the Commander-in-Chief of all Americans. That'll cut out any wiggle room for those squirrelly, terrorist-enabling Dhimmicrats. This way, whenever someone criticizes the President -- says he lied about Iraq, or says he doesn't care about blackamoors (I mean, hello: Condi!) -- we can rightfully and without any obstruction nail that person for giving aid and comfort to the enemy (communists, jihadis, and also Satan). Then we can round up that LIEberal, Mooslim-loving Nancy Pelosi and her family, and put them in one of those new Halliburton Camps. Sure, they may not get waterboarded as much as necessary, and they'll get fat off of delicious glazed chicken, but at least they'll be out of the way of real Americans doing the work that needs doing. And we can finally drag that fake Indian Ward Churchill out of his ivory tower office naked and screaming, and string him up from the nearest lamppost until he is dead, dead, dead!
The Good Lord wouldn't want it any other way. I know, because he speaks to me.
Would you like to see some pictures of my children?
Hot profile pic. Can I have your babies?
You already are: don't look now, but I've laid an eggsac in your ear! STING! BOO-YA!
saw this and thought of you, teh:
http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/03/08/pete_wentz_nude_cell_phone_pic.html
have fun. close yer office door.
What happened to you posting pics of hotties on Sundays?
PR: You know, I'd probably hit it.
Smarty: patience, my dear.
madamerouge: OH. NO. YOU. DI'N'T.
teh: I'd totally hit that, yo. Big burly lumberjack action,
aw yeah.
Great post. You are a fine human being in bush/Jesus' world. Glory to Babs in the highest for giving birth to our second coming of the first coming of the coming where the lord gave his seed to her.
Yes. I want to see pictures of you chill'en.
Or are they gonna be like the Sunday hotties?
I was trolling through some crap I'd missed over at 3Choads!, and I came across this:
"And I wish I could say something funny, but I’m on my “monthly rampage.” You know, getting a visit from old “Aunt Flo.” In other words, it’s that “time” of the “month” when I am “bleeding” from my “VAGINA!!!!” if you get my drift, and you may not.
Whew, that felt better."
And then I laughed so hard that I nearly peed directly on my couch. Thankfully, I was laughing so hard that I went ahead and fell off the sofa, so the pee just ended up with the rest of the pee on the floor. I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time.
Still....eggsac? *shudder* That wasn't exactly what I had in mind.
I, for one, welcome our new tehl4m3 overlords!
Boy that God is somethin'. How he can hold so many conversations all at once is beyond me. Oh, and you're right. Jessica would, I'm afraid, have trouble emoting 'falling'...but then she doesn't have to...
http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/031406/gay-atheist-liberals.gif
But I want someone to slap the grin off Tucker Carlson? Now what do I do?
God, hardly a day goes by when I don't have almost sexual fantasies about beating the ever-living crap out of Tucker "Totally Cruisin' for a Bruisin'" Carlson. He's practically begging for it.
OMG Tucker was even more obnoxious than usual during the Winter Olympics. At a time when even the most partisan "journalist" should be putting aside his or her most dearly embraced biases, Tucker decides it's "issue" time.
He was interviewing that red-headed, horse-faced snowboarder, asking him what he eats while training, and making cracks about "rabbit food" and such. The red head (forgot his name, too lazy to google), mentions that no, with his dinner he has a steak.
Tucker, stricken, says "A steak? Oh, wow. Good for you."
Tucker, you nong, armies of vegans and vegetarians are not marching with domestic jihadis in order to destroy Western Civilization from the inside. To normal people, Tucker, a steak is not a political statement. It is a freaking meal.
God, what a stain.
Res, what are you bringing in females for? Stay on track and don't pee on the couch, man.
And I am with Smarty, hotties, please!
Georgie! You are too funny.
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