Labels: America's Shittiest Website, bleg, Doughbob Loadpants, random, wingnuttery

Labels: hilariously gay, random

"How was lesbian film night?" Of course, I meant watching movies at home with her friends -- Mo would rather chew rusty nails that sit through "Even Cowgirls Get The Blues."

"Bah... Everybody just wanted to fawn over Ronnie's new sewing machine."

As we rounded Davies Medical Center, an early evening snap of October chill squeezed through our hoodies, mine baby blue, hers brown and embroidered in beige skater-tag patterns. I didn't mind it, though; the cold that nightly assails Doctor C's seaside castle, to which I would return the next day, is far more vicious.

"Halloween?" I asked, comfortable enough with my old friend to speak with a hint of envy at the fact that I would miss any festivities on my favorite holiday of the year.

"I'm thinking of staying in," she replied falsely yet kindly, perceiving me at once. And seeing in the next instant that she couldn't deceive me. "Okay, unless I go to Andi's party."

"Drag?"

"Hmm... I am in love with 'Randy Wang.'"

"Predictably race conscious. Personally, I favor Mr. Ectomy."

Our conversation continued in this vein as we strolled down Castro Street -- easy, full of light and as free of cares as a twink years our junior. And for good reason -- it was the last night of my vacation away from the castle. I resolved that on this night especially I would ignore my impending return to work and my quotidian existence down the peninsula -- I would not for a second trouble myself with thoughts of mad scientists and their man-sized insects and killer robots. No, that night would be laughter and gentle mayhem -- a safe, gay time in that squeaky-clean homosexual Disneyland. And I would meet tomorrow's irritating horrors with the hangover they deserve.

It began pleasantly enough. Though Mo found The Mix boring ("All these girls and not a looker among 'em..."), I was glad. My most trying experience was running into a one-night stand from months ago and attempting to extricate myself from the conversation without letting him on to the fact that I had forgotten his name.

I did once get a start from seeing a silver Mustang that looked remarkably like that of Candy, my most normal coworker; it was parked in the driveway next to the Castro Theater. But I convinced myself that couldn't be her as surely, during my vacation she had been devoured by a pack of feral, genetically engineered toddlers.

"How about the Glass Coffin?" Mo asked at length.

"Ooh, the Twin Peaks! But I'll feel so underdressed without my IV drip."

"Behave."

The Twin Peaks was as charming and restful as ever; soft chandeliers, soft carpeting, soft music -- none of it of course did the slightest to soften the ravages of time affecting the clientele, nor to discourage the occasional dedicated gerontophiliac. But it was a welcoming atmosphere for conversation and a fitting cap to the evening. She and I took adjacent seats around a small end table in a mirrored corner.

Three cocktails in, I had solved the mystery of the Twin Peaks, which had been haunting us since we walked in. Just why were the drinks so strong and cheap? I laid out my theory. "One, this place has been here forever, and is probably owner-owned and operated -- they can afford to offer cheap, strong drinks. Two, the clientele has been loyal from antedeluvian times, and the owner would never risk alienating them by gouging or skimping. Third, and most important, if you're a centuries-old regular, and not already on dialysis, you can take whatever the bartender slings your way. And that, Dr. Watson, solves the mystevery of The Twin Peaks."

"Well played, Inspector Homeslice, well played."

I bowed slightly and smiled. Little did I know the mystery was only about to begin: Just as Mo turned to examine the incongruously futuristic jukebox, the room spun cruelly in a flash of flattering amber light, and I was no more...

Labels: awesome, bleg, litteruhchur, random

Labels: other bloggers' lives, Republican't stooges, wingnuttery

The worker, Roger William Hurd, told investigators he didn't know how the bomb got in his truck and was released Friday afternoon.

Labels: random, Republican't stooges, Sadly Not Yet