Me: "So did you give your mom the permission slip for the Summer Reading Program?"

Younger Brother: "Yeah, but she threw it away."

Me: "She threw it away? Why?"

YB: "She said that we'd forget to turn the books in."

Okay, so YB had been a little late with turning in some books. His fees amounted to $0.70. I paid them out of my own pocket. I told him not to worry about it.

Older Brother: "Yeah, but she said we're not allowed to check out books. She says we don't need to be in the reading program."

Me: "But you want to do it. Why don't you ask Mrs. [summer school teacher's name] to talk to your mom, then see if she'll let you?"

OB: "Yeah, but she won't, though."

YB: "Why can't you sign it?"

Me: "Because I'm not your parent or guardian. It has to be your Mom or Dad."

OB: "But you're the guardian here."

Aww.

Me: "Well, that's not how it works."

OB: "My dad would probably sign it, but he's in jail."

Oh jeez...

P.S. Eew. Just, gah! Eew. Nasty.

Yeah, the Florida thing. This morning's smirky, oh-boy-is-this-gonna-boost-Our-Leader's-approval-ratings press conference brings to mind several points:

A. These guys had criminal records, and needed help buying boots. Not exactly Mensa material. It's doubtful they would have successfully pulled anything off. But anyway...

B. These guys allegedly tried to solicit assistance in committing murder and acts of terrorism. These are serious crimes that could have had them put away for a very, very long time even prior to 9/11 -- the USA PATRIOT Act was completely unnecessary.

C. These guys were caught by the FBI operating through normal channels, with the assistance of local law enforcement and vigilant neighbors. Had the NSA's warrantless communications monitoring been instrumental, we never would have heard the end of it. "Wiretapping" would have been every other word coming out of the AG's mouth. And no one was tortured, no one sent to Uzbekistan or Camp X-Ray.

I mean, honestly: a normal investigation with judicial oversight, and no busting out of eardrums with a high-pressure water hose? Not even one chemical lightstick shoved up one, single, solitary rectum?

It's almost as if these guys don't know how to fight terrorism at all...

This is my Whang. There are many like her, but this one is mine.

(For you know who, 'cuz he likey the cute chickadees...)

Hence my not blogging for days on end. Sure, I had my brother visiting in from out of town, I've gotten a lot busier at work, and preparations for this year's summer reading program, which should be already underway, are woefully behind. Oh frickin' well. Oh, then there's the brokiddy-brokey computadora.

Anyway, let me share with you my completely, totally, outside-scoop, wild-eyed irresponsible speculation on Fitzmas:

This is not the Starr investigation, which started with Whitewater and ended with a semen stain, and which all along was plagued by so many leaks you'd think it was more important that the subject of the probe be convicted in the court of public opinion than in, say, a real court.

But like the Starr investigation, this one may find an end that seems completely unconnected to its beginning. Fitzgerald is not hanging up his hat. The Plame leak was the toe in the door. I personally don't believe the house will be clean until we get to the bottom of the Niger forgeries: who made them, who promulgated them, and what all the involved parties' connections to the White House and the Pentagon are.

(By the way, y'all seriously need to get a subscription to VF. That article is amazing...)

My boyfriend, my precious baby, my sexy li'l boo has been hurt!

Curse you, gods of diving!

Don't worry, baby, I'll keep rubbing your neck...

Yeah. I know I'm just giving her what she wants: Attention. But here's the deal: of all the stuff in this Media Matters catalogue of her latest schtick, it's actually this quote that I, in the context of her entire career, found the most offensive:

It was a great interview. It's much better than being asked to describe the book. You know, that's always the hardest in the first week, because you don't have the chapters summarized yet [emphasis mine].

I have to ask: did she even write her own book? I mean, you'd think you'd have to start with some sort of outline. And you're poring over this manuscript again and again, for at least several months, doing all sorts of research and deep thinking. Aren't summaries pretty much among the first things you come up with? Too fucking bizarre.

You know, it was either Duncan at Atrios or James Wolcott who said the ideal punishment for her would be banishment from the presence of the liberals she so reviles, yet upon whom she depends for her material. I would add another: that her views on immigration take the day, and that whoever it is who's been selling her that mad-crazy booger sugar gets, as a consequence, deported.

Again. Just because I caught some more of their "We must vote for Dubya 'cuz he'll keep us safe from those blue helmets tryin' to snatch our guns. Vote!" claptrap.

Okay. Just for the sake of this post, I'll concede that certain ephemeral pro-gun-banning groups (none of whom I have yet to see named, by the way...) have more than an iota of political clout, and their main avenue to influence is through the Democratic Party. (And I must stress, just for the sake of this post.) So you must, must, must vote Republican. Fine. So now you've got your majority conservative government, and your Second Amendment rights as defined by the NRA are perfectly safe from harm. Well, almost perfectly (something here about some folks never being satisfied...)

Oops, but look: you've lost the First and Fourth. And the 13th can't be far behind. No one in the world has any respect for you. Your economy's in the toilet, and the pathetic increases in the number of jobs available can't keep up with population growth, gas prices are through the roof, and wages are stagnant. You can kiss Social Security good-bye. Caught in a natural disaster? Don't expect any federal assistance. The infrastructure you depend on is shit, your share of the national deficit is about as large as the tremendous personal debt you've accrued, and chances are, if your kid's school is even remotely close to being adequately funded, it's filling his head with crap like creat-- oh, excuse me, Intelligent Design Theory and abstinence-only sex ed. Oh, and thousands of your fellow Americans are being killed in a war that no one needed to fight.

But hey, your guns are safe. And they're a guarantee against tyranny, donchaknow.

Did you? Today's the day, my fellow Californians...

As I am a registered non-partisan (and not in the Althouse way, either) voter, I was theees [pinches forefinger and thumb together] close to asking for a Republican ballot, just so I could throw my own little wrench into the works, but alas, my probity -- not to mention my gag reflex -- won out.

I'll tell you about only two of my votes. The first, on the pre-school thing -- I voted for it. I was of two minds about it, sympathizing with teachers who would have loved that money to better fund the schools that are there. But in light of Republican attacks on HeadStart, I had to vote "Yes." Besides, how can one pass up taxing incomes higher than $400,000 to fund education? Too good.

Then there was a local casino thing. I voted not to oppose allowing a new casino to be built. I don't see it increasing crime, and I do see it providing jobs and bringing revenue into the area. And anyway, too much of the opposition to allowing a new one in seemed fueled mostly by rank racism, so I had no compunction about voting "No."

Morning bonuses: An unusually non-rabbity Ann Coulter getting dressed down by Matt Lauer of all people. Ha, ha. What a fruitcake. I only wish he would have brought up her voting fraud.

Also, this story is sure to send K-Lo into one of the biggest hissy fits the Corner has ever seen.

With Bill O'Reilly:


"You know, I really don't see what the big deal is about Abu Ghraib. I mean, during Viet Nam, and this is on the record, no less a person than Senator John McCain himself personally inserted slivers of bamboo under captured Viet Cong fighters' fingernails in the infamous Hanoi Hilton..."

"Well, what do you think of this? Do you think it radical of me to propose that maybe -- just maybe -- those Kent State students would have been better served had they not opened up -- opened fire -- on those National Guardsmen?"

"..but that is exactly why they called them 'union busters.' I mean, these guys -- Communists, really, all of them -- hired thugs to bust the heads of innocent businessmen during the early part of the 20th Century."

"Now, tonight, a moment of remembrance for the brave pioneers, newcomers to a New World -- let us honor their memory, the memory of the settlers forced by Indian tribes to march that tragic Trail of Tears..."

"...now, I mean, I'm just reading from the Bible here -- and this is exactly what the Good Book asserts -- that the Canaanites -- now, wait just a minute, let me finish -- the Canaanites were ordered by their God, the God of Abraham, to eradicate the Jews. And they did so, down to the last baby."